New Reads

So I almost missed New comic day due to that troublesome job as mentioned in my post yesterday! Wednesday I looked forward to leaving work a bit early and heading down to the comic shop for the new Batman: Detective comic and whatever else I could grab. I know that for some people this is just spending money frivolously on something that I don't need, but I see it as a reward for not smoking in over two weeks. That was a $5 a day habit so if I spend $15 a week on comics or other things I want, I think it's a fair (not to mention smart) trade. Ok, so back to the story...

During a slow work day, I was looking forward to getting off early for the trip across town. To my surprise, the comic I wanted sold out in under two hours. There was no way I was going to get it and I got seriously pissed. I don't want much usually, but I really wanted this! It's bad enough I'm going to lose most of the books I have now, but to not get new ones, especially when they are as highly recommended as #871/#872, UGH!

As usual, I ended up waiting on my Mom to bring the boys. I know where I get my punctuality problems. That woman is perpetually late for everything!!! So not only did I miss out on the issues I wanted, but I don't even get to make it over to the shop to check out anything else. I work almost constantly and the shop doesn't open early enough for me to go in before work. Good news for those of you who feel sorry for me because I don't get the new Batman....the Dark Knight himself came to my rescue yet again and hooked it up! I have to agree with everyone I've talked to about these...the art is flawless, and the writing is amazing! I'm looking forward to continuing this from now on!!! At least this is an addiction that won't kill me in 30 years....for now I'm one happy nerd girl!

Grow a Pair!

For some reason or another I've heard this alot lately. I need to "grow a pair" and say what I want/need. While the idea is rather easy, the truth is, I don't like asserting myself. I'm just plain old scared of speaking my mind. There are few moments in my life when I have said something that was important to me at the exact moment I wanted to say it. This comes as no shock to any of you who know me on a personal level. It took me years to build up the courage to get a divorce, I guess for me it seems easier to just deal with things being miserable than to speak up and change it myself.

Laughable!

I guess it's easy to understand why I've been constantly walked on all of my life. My mom used me as a maid, my husband-a doormat, my friends-a pin cushion....when's it gonna be my turn? (done in my best Cleveland impression) Ultimately this post is brought on by the bullshit I deal with on a daily basis. Someone in my life....we'll call him Bill (he likes sweaters) Well Bill has very little responsibility for anything and makes a large sum of money. Month after month, There is never a schedule made. I have gone into a work-week as far as Thursday without a proper schedule (starts on Sunday). Not to mention the other lacking areas of responsibility. Being in management is supposed to require more effort and thought. That's why they make the big bucks and I do not! I guess this is weighing heavily on my decision to transfer to a different location. Yes, ultimately I would love to not work the retail side of T-mobile, and do more marketing/projections, but we gotta do what we can to KEEP our foot in the door. It is so out of character for me to sell anyone anything, but I seem to make some success...no where near the goals that have been set before me, but still, I'm trying. So I'm looking to move in the near future. I can't keep dealing with this drive, Alisha is going to be moving in with me (definitely need more space) and over all I want a new start at a new place! There are memories in Roanoke, I don't want to remember them any more. I want to hold something tangible for a moment and realize I've worked for it...I haven't seemed to find the time to do that just yet, but it's coming soon I know!

The Crow

Welcome to another installment of what I'm sure you sit on the edges of your seats for every week (eye roll) Way Back Wednesday! This week's post is brought to you by work induced boredom which allowed for its creation while I earned my meager wages today. This is a Way Back of monumental proportions, for me at least. I have been debating lately on how "way back" I wanted to take these posts since I already feel old and decrepit, but I decided to go as far as it takes to educate the masses. This one is relatively recent. No matter what, this blog is for me and my own documentation of my all encompassing awesomeness. So for your pleasure or not:


The Crow




I loved the comic, I loved the movies, I loved the series, and I love everything about this character. The Crow invoked thoughts that allowed me to question life in ways I had previously never thought. Being the good little preacher's daughter, I knew that I was supposed to believe certain things...but what if... I have always had a vivid imagination and looking back this was just one more thing to create the imagination I have today. At the core The Crow is a love story. Not one of those that I typically detest for its mushy over the top romance, but for what I view as real, unwavering affection for another being. This movie has everything I would look for in a romantic film: Evil, unstoppable Love, and Death. Just like me, I know! Yes, I still cry when watching the scene where Brandon Lee actually dies. I loved him before he was famous for being "Bruce Lee's son who died in a movie". Remember Rapid Fire? That movie kicks ass!

I miss The Crow and don't know why I don't currently own it; I guess a trip to Hasting's/Amazon/Misc movie outlet is in order now. I need to own this again!

Honestly, The Crow: City of Angels, pales in comparison, in my opinion, but I do still think it's a decent movie. Even more now that I am a parent myself, no spoilers in this blog, so I'll just say I'd be psycho as well, and leave it at that.

Both of these films have amazing soundtracks, but the City of Angels soundtrack has amazing junior high memories for me that are permanently melted into who I have become over the years. It's where I first learned of Deftones, The Toadies, Korn, Iggy Pop, and PJ Harvey. All of which directly contradicted the musical influences that my parents had spent so much time forcing upon me. Not to mention this albums tiptoe into some awesome hip-hop! (mom loved that) I've always had an eclectic taste in music and this album is nothing if not eclectic! It epitomizes the 90s for me in ways nothing else can touch. I've owned it on cassette (you know those things before cds) then a few years later bought it on cd, and after losing or abusing both of these, I just downloaded it in MP3 form. Yay for the new millennium!! Hopefully this will stand the test of time and I wont have to purchase (laugh) this music again. So I'm posting a couple of my favorite songs for your listening pleasure. If you know it great, and if this is your first time hearing this...it's been my pleasure to share this with you!


Deftones- "Teething"

Above The Law (feat. Frost) - "City of Angels"

Hopefully this WBW installment has left you remembering what it was like watching/hearing this for the first time. If you haven't seen/heard this I strongly urge you to check out both movies and soundtracks. I know there are many more "crow" things that have been released and while I like pretty much anything created about this story, these are unbeatable!

Again, if you have any suggestions for future posts, complaints about past ones, or anything to say about anything...post it below. Until next time....

Brainscan

So I've not gotten to the point that I wanted by Tuesday; however, it is my favorite blog post day. So I'm going to make the most of it.

I am pretty sure many of you have seen this if you are over the age of 25! It's not necessarily the greatest movie, Edward Furlong isn't the greatest actor...but it's good. It makes you second guess that pointless kill in your average video game, or not, if you're anything like me...I'm still going for head shots.


I promise next week's post will be spot on. I'm just not in my head at the moment. Maybe I will be again soon. Hate to just post a video and call it a day, but I do have to go to work now. So look up Brainscan and tell me what you think!

to be continued.

I was going to post today about my holiday experience, but have decided it best to wait until my mood improves. I don't know why I'm so blah, but I definitely don't want it here. So until I feel better, my apologies for everything. Though I'm sure it's not a big deal anyway

Way Back Wednesday

Welcome back to another flashback awesome enough to rip off your face! Yeah I am definitely feeling this one today! Let us begin by remembering why Slayer is so fucking badass!!! Why, oh, why Can't I play an instrument like this!!!???!!! While I'm thinking of it, I am fully aware the title is incorrect for this song. I didn't make the video...just janked it!  So please no comments trying to make yourself feel smarter than you really are! Just enjoy and STFU!



Ok, now that you are probably jumping around your homes, breaking things, and punching one another in the face, I am finally happy MUHAHAHA. So until next time when I post some other old school goodies....seriously any suggestions are welcome. I like remembering how fucked my childhood was, who doesn't? So please post your thoughts, ideas, and future Way Back Wednesday requests in the comments. Not just music, but anything from back in the day that has significance to you.

Terror Tuesday

Now for my favorite post of the week. Actually this is just an awesome excuse for me to watch my favorite movies. Tonight's feature is....The Omen!

Another amazing early Xmas gift, and definitely one of my faves. I'm sure most who will read this have at least seen this movie once or twice. The original is still just as terrifying now as it was for me years ago, and for the sake of argument...we're sticking to the original 1976 version, Thank you very much! The remake of this isn't terrible necessarily, but it doesn't compare to what I watched as a kid.

I think what has always scared me about this movie, is the fact that there is supposed to be such intense evil dwelling in a child. The Anti-Christ idea would scare any preacher's kid like myself! Damien (Harvey Stephens) is such a strange child. I remember having dreams about this movie years after I initially watched it. Children in horror are always one of the most frightening things to me. Take Gage (Miko Hughes) in Pet Cemetery, that kid still makes me close my eyes when he's on screen. I guess it's the cross between what I want to believe is innocent and sweet and what is so obviously evil and terrifying. There are also rumors of certain occurances while filming both versions of The Omen. I have listed a few....

1)Scriptwriter David Seltzer's plane was struck by lightning.
2)Star Gregory Peck, in a separate incident, had his plane struck by lightning.
3)Richard Donner's hotel was bombed by the Provisional IRA.
4)Gregory Peck canceled his reservation on a flight. The plane he had originally chartered crashed, killing all on board.
5)Rottweilers hired for the film attacked their trainers.
6)A warden at the used in the "crazy baboon" scene was attacked and killed by a lion the day after the crew left.

There are also similar "curses" tied to the "Poltergeist" film series and also to "The Exorcist".

So if that doesn't have you desperate to watch this pure piece of classic cinema, check out one of my favorite scenes from this one.

Weekend Wrap up

This has been one for the record books ladies and gentlemen. I might need a serious vacation after the past few days!

Let us begin with Friday, So I loaded up the boys and headed to Auburn. It was a slightly crazy idea, because I still had a couple of gifts for them left to purchase, but took them along anyway. I didn't find anything I was looking for. They both went nuts in the mall (while on the subject of the mall, don't go there with two small boys a week from Xmas. It may be Suicide!!!!)  After I calmed them from the excitement we went over to hang out with Bones and fam. Now I was aware that he has a general understanding of my interests...but I got the coolest freaking present in the history of awesome Xmas gifts! I don't think anyone has gotten it so dead on before. Not to mention the fact that it was created for me :D Take a gander at this here piece of artistic perfection....

 I wish I could get a better pic of this! The detail is amazing. And to think I've known this guy all these years with no clue of this talent! Makes my bath mat gift seem like chopped liver in comparison.

Saturday I worked, like most Saturdays...I always work. Love my life in RETAIL HELL!

So let's just skip to Sunday. I had planned to take the boys to meet up with my sisters and shop, but that didn't happen. So Amanda, Alisha and myself were going to meet in Auburn at some point. I get called out to my car and learn that they had gotten into a fight on the way. Not an argument, but an actual fight! We're not talking kids here, folks. Twenty-two and Eighteen! Alisha was covered in mud and disgusting. Once this was remedied, we shopped for a bit and decided to eat Applebee's. For the record, I am the official mayor of Applebee's in Auburn, Alabama. The bartenders know me by name and have my Grateful Dead waiting. This is a fact that I'm not too proud of, but discounted alcohol is always great! So we order our drinks and stuff... I keep ordering my usual amount and failed to realize that the bartender is making them progressively stronger. I think by drink four, he was putting 8 shots into my glass. Anyway, I became somewhat obnoxious and embarrassing, and no one wants to do that. Made a fool of myself countless times and wished I could crawl under a rock this morning. Not entirely sure if I said anything I wouldn't want to have said...guess I'll find out sooner or later.

So that just about wraps up my weekend in all its crazy glory. If you or someone you know was offended by my words or actions in my drunken stupor, I am so very, very sorry. That being said, I remember what's important anyway. Thanks, Girls, for some much needed Sister time and thanks to my Knight for coming to my rescue! On to Xmas this weekend. I hope I get what I want in my stocking and I hope all of you do as well.

Way Back Wednesday

So to follow up Terror Tuesday, I thought I should start a new Wednesday tradition. I will be posting old school music, movies, and whatever else my little heart desires. You will like it or not, but it will take ya back to a different place in time. This is my goal, should Way Back Wednesday be successful.

To kick the new tradition off with a bang, I'm going with a few surprising favorites of mine. Most people know I love Metal, but now you'll learn I have an affection for all things nasty!

I give you "Love in ya Mouth" - Kilo Ali...




Yes, I am fully aware now what this song is about, but as a kid, I had no clue. My unenlightened mind just knew every word...and I knew I loved it. The older I got the more I figured it out, and while I am fully aware of the graphic content, I still love it. Just give it a listen. It's straight porn in musical form.

Another one I had to post is LL Cool J- "Doin' it"





While this song was released when I was a bit older. I was still just as innocent and clueless about the subject matter of the song. As you listen, tell me this doesn't take you back to, something! Always a fan of things to shock the masses, this girl, so if you have any Way Back Wednesday suggestions that will no doubt escape my line of thought, please post them in the comments below.

So go grab your cassettes from wherever you've hidden them to look as though you're not living in the past, and remember the good old (nasty) days!

Terror Tuesday!!

Technically, it's Wednesday morning but I lost track of time playing video games. Damn Xbox, it's all Mister Bones' fault. So now that I'm no longer stuck playing Halo or Justice League Heros, I'm going to attempt to write a meaningful and insightful blog.

Tonight's movie is... Midnight Meat Train





One of my most treasured of Clive Barker's short stories turned into a full length feature. I rather enjoy this movie for all that it is. The blood, guts and gore is enough for a fan of such and it's got Barker's chilling stamp of horror all over it.

The story is about an aspiring photographer Leon (Bradley Cooper) who is just searching for the perfect shot. He gets a couple of lucky photos of a woman on the subway and things start looking up for him and his waitress girlfriend, Maya (Leslie Bibb).  He reads that the woman from his amazing photos is missing and is curious to find out what happened to her. After studying his photographs, he notices a man, a butcher (Vinnie Jones) riding the train. He obsesses about finding the butcher and essentially the murderer. Eventually unable to concentrate on anything but this man.  Leon's sanity seems to fade as nothing else can occupy his mind but finding the butcher, even if it kills him.

 The graphic violence is just what you would expect from a movie based on Barker's Books of Blood. The literary title gives you as much. For me personally, I loved the decapitation scene. More movies should include bloody, disgusting, gory, violent decapitations. The psychologically thrilling aspect to this movie adds much to my love of all that is over the top gore. Sure, many critics failed to see my view on why this is a good movie. I am aware it's not for the general audience, but for those of you who want a decent horror/slasher film, this would fit the bill. Better yet, read the Books of Blood and then watch it. I'm always that person who reads the book before I watch the movie. I find there is so much to derive from paper than on screen every time.  Ultimately, it's a good one to own. I watch it once a month or so. Grab it for your collection and revel in the bloodbath!


On a personal note, I have officially not smoked all day. I don't really want one thanks to the nice sticker on my upper arm. I just hope when I don't use these I will not resort back to smoking. Nicotine patches definitely make it easier, for sure. So Day 1 is over. Day 2 is looking great!

I'm returning to add an extra link to The Weekly Crisis. They've just posted that Boom is going to release a new Hellraiser comic by Clive Barker. I can't wait. Figured it was awesome timing to watch Midnight Meat Train for Terror Tuesday! Enjoy, The Weekly Crisis is awesome!

Lobo...the movie??

I've been hearing things about a possible Lobo live action movie that was going to be directed by Guy Ritchie. So he's not doing it..he is doing it. Whatever! I'm not really on board with this idea. Now, a movie about this character would definitely kick ass, however, I don't think he is the director to take this one from page to screen. This has been in the media for a couple of years now and still nothing, which is probably for the best!

Guy Ritchie decided not to do the Lobo film and instead did Sherlock Holmes (didn't see it) I usually like Ritchie's films but lack the time to see something that I'm not "dying to see". Unfortunately he hasn't made anything of that caliber for me in a while.

So the script for Lobo has been written by Alan Grant (Lobo writer) and Skip Woods (Hitman) and should be ready to take to the next step. With Jeffrey Dean Morgan to play Lobo, now just awaiting a director that won't fuck it up! Speaking of Jeffrey Dean Morgan, I love this guy. He did wonderfully in The Losers and was redeeming in The Watchmen. I may be biased about The Watchmen movie, because it was one of the first comics I fell in love with, but the movie's talent was more than lacking in my opinion. I could have done a better job (and I'm definitely not an actor, but I do read!!) Alan Moore amazed me with that book! And I love him for it. The movie just didn't encompass what I felt it should have, and I fear the same may happen with Lobo or any other comic to film adaptation made from here on out. Comic fans aren't the "masses" and the movies created from comic storylines are geared for the "masses" to make money. I understand that. It's business...but I don't have to like it. The Losers was a great movie, on the other hand. But it isn't as difficult a transition from page to screen as some of the other comics rumored to be movies in the making lately. So even with Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the potential Lobo, I fear this will be pure douchebaggery and I will hate it. Prove me wrong and I'll give ya a cookie...or something!?!

Did I mention my love for Alan Moore, he is amazing. I'm going to stop dreaming of literary Gods and watch the remake of The Wolfman with my boys. Hopefully it's as awesome as the original was years ago. So until next time...Keep it real, yo!

So this is Christmas.

Almost finished with my shopping :-D yay me. Looking forward to my nephew and Sister to be here. God knows we can blow some $$ together. Keeping this post short since it's from my phone, I will have a brilliant one soon. Just be on the lookout for three chicks, who look oddly similar but very different, on a shopping rampage. My nephew is an awesome Shaggy btw. This pic might have been the most awesome gift this season. Its great that my influences passed things to me which I keep passing onto my sisters, and hopefully they will pass to someone as well.

So I love surprises (the good kind) but I also love the presents I already know about. I can't wait for Christmas to get here!!

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No sleep till...

Na, not going to Brooklyn anytime soon. But I could definitely listen to some Beastie Boys and chill. Unfortunately "chilling" isn't possible with my current schedule. I almost feel guilty for posting anything tonight, because my heart's just not in it. I should really be sleeping, but it's 1am and I'm still here. Up for work in 5 hours. I will regret not sleeping earlier, but those pesky responsibilities keep me up. So while I wait on laundry, I'm creating this completely useless post.

I can think of one great thing that comes from my overloaded schedule and it's $$$. I look forward to seeing two little boys on Christmas with smiling faces. It's about the only thing that's keeping me going at this point. Every year they get pretty much what they want, but this year both were extremely specific in their gift requests. They both want guitars, Auburn jerseys, video games....and while I miss them to death from working and saving money by staying close to work, I know it will be worth it in a couple of weeks. Tuesday I get to spend the day with them...as I do Friday. I can't wait!! All I can think about is what we're going to do. Honestly, I've never been away from them this much in their lives. Sometimes working so much makes me feel like a horrible mother after being a "stay at home" mom for so long. It kills me for Cory to look at me with tears in his eyes and say "Mommy, I've really, really missed you!" What do you say to that? Mommy is working so she can pay Santa? He doesn't understand at all. I wouldn't expect a five year old to understand the adult problems I've been facing. It's almost as bad as when he asks about "Mommy and Daddy". There is a book on how to discuss divorce with a child...I need to find it. I don't ever have the right words to keep his heart from breaking. Which, in turn, breaks mine. There has never been anything in my life I'm more sure of than my role as a mother, but lately I feel like I'm lacking. So what do I do? They can't go to work with me. I'm always working.

I thought about moving closer to work and cutting my drive time down a bit. It would mean more time with them and less $$ on gas. Ultimately, I love having my house in the middle of nowhere and my finances under control (for the most part). My mom insists that I should move to Dothan and stay with her until I can find a place of my own....who wants to deal with that at 27? Not this girl!!! I'm sure it wouldn't be like high school all over again, but she is my mother and anyone who knows this woman, also knows she is relentless when it comes to pushing her opinion on me. So I'm stuck in this situation. With a divorce approaching, Christmas very soon, and no end in sight, it looks as if I may be buried with stress. It's not the first time, the last time or the worst time. I will get through all of this. Just gotta keep my head up. I want to thank those of you that have helped me keep my sanity lately. Without you I would have lost it ages ago! I really do have the greatest friends anywhere....

It's only going to get later the longer I type, so I'm going to try my best to get some sleep now. Goodnight all, and hopefully you have a great weekend! Until I find a moment to post more of my usual uselessness....

Something to make you smile :D

Something

I feel like blogging, but my current topic is not one to post here in public sight. I have toyed with the idea of posting an anonymous blog that I can say whatever the fuck I want to. But I think it's too much effort just to have some sort of release. This one will have to suffice while remaining censored. I'm making a trip to Birmingham to take the ex-hubby for a CAT Scan. Hopefully, I can make the most of this. Along for the ride are my laptop, phone and countless cds to keep me entertained. I don't handle boredom well.

Onto my almost post. Almost because I can't really say what I want. First amendment my ass, I can't post what I intended, so I'm going with this...

felt this way all my life

Blame hormones. I am a chick and I do get somewhat moody sometimes. Hell, others would dare say I become a bitch (hush yo mouth). I've never been more confused or felt more venerable, wow totally sounds like hormones at work here, huh? In my age I've learned to speak what I need to get the message across. I spent too long holding things in and waiting things out. I ask, I tell, I deal. It's pretty simple. This past birthday made me realize there are two kinds of people in this world: those who sit and wait and those who go get. And while I've never seen a problem in the "sitting and waiting" I've come to realize it's much more simple to "go get".

I have always been terribly shy and self conscious about everything I could. Since September 26, 2010, I have vowed to love myself no matter what, and it seems to help. I've done quite a few things in the last few months on my own that I never would have thought of before. I had this irrational fear of eating or drinking alone in public and now it's not even a big thing. I don't look at myself and hate what I see, I don't like it, but it's not the most horrible thing in the world. I'm simple and honest and content in just that. Honesty. I've been lied to my whole life by everyone around me. Promised things I never saw come to fruition. Been hurt and had my hopes shattered. All of this might have led to my self- conscious behavior and I could have easily spent the rest of my life in a bubble of blah! I refuse to have my self worth and happiness depend on the decision of another person. I don't want the "I don't want to hurt you" line of crap. No matter what...people hurt. I never wanted to let anyone down, or make them feel anything but happy. Always the people pleaser, this girl.  In the end, I hurt people by not being honest, not lying, but not telling the entire truth. It's not a good idea to spare someone's feelings only to drag things out so that the truth finally cuts deeper than it would had you been honest from the start. I'm witnessing my mistakes now...I hate to hurt anyone, but am fully aware I had the power to change this two years ago and there would have been less pain all around.

So I ask all of you, if there is something you need to say...say it.
If there is something you need to do, do it.
And don't drag out the inevitable. They were right when they said "honesty is the best policy", so use it. We are only allowed so much time, why spend it being miserable and sad, when you can be happy and content. 

I think by not being upfront about things, I was selfish. It's not easy to tell someone hurtful things even if you mean them in a less than hurtful way. I didn't want to cause a conflict but actually made more conflict in the end. I held in my feelings and thoughts for so long when I finally let them go it was like Hiroshima. I guess it's the way it works. When you try to be nice to someone and spare them you end up slicing them to pieces when the truth finally hits. Just wished I'd have learned this lesson sooner in life.

"Those" girls

So this post is inspired by one of the greatest bloggers ever! Kris, I owe you for this rant. Check out her blog here. Ok, now...onto my rant!

I have many "male" friends. It's true most of my pals are dudes. I am not the most girly of girls and have so much more in common with me male species. Anyone who frequents this blog knows exactly that and I assure you, most of you are guys. 

Yes folks, Alyssa Milano. Sam!!! NO!!!

Why is it that you have the girls you want to be with, "good girls" and the girls you swoon for (we will call them...) "less than good girls"? I know there is a difference and have been told on numerous occasions that there are girls you fuck and girls you marry...and that I was a girl you marry. While I definitely don't mind being considered in the latter, I want to know why the "girls you fuck" are so appealing. They only hurt you or use you in some way and yet you keep going after the same kind of chicks. hmmm I'm speaking of the ones who flaunt around in underwear or less with too much make up and fake hair. I'm not dissing underwear, make up or extensions, just that when combined to create a certain look, the only thing I see is "cheap". Why can't guys see this? Do they not have radar for that kind of thing?

I'm no angel and have fake hair laying around, I tan on occasion, and have a closet full of clothes that could be made to look like the "not so good girls" wardrobe, but I generally can be found in jeans, a graphic tee, and sneakers. The girls I get along with don't wear barely there dresses, have noticeably horrible extensions in their hair, and hideous orange skin tones! WHY IS THIS SO ATTRACTIVE?

Jersey Shore Girls

When did looking like a streetwalking oompaloompa become so popular. I remember years ago when girls wore too much make up...we made fun of them then tried to "fix" their mistakes (mean then nice...see how it works) Now it's everywhere, and there is no fixing this shit. Yes, I blame MTV and their popular "Jersey Shore" ideas as of late. I never knew that having sex with random guys while looking so awful would become what young women strived for in life. Have enough self esteem to put on some clothes, and lay off the spray tan.

Maybe being southern and from a very old school family makes me a bit biased. Maybe if I lived in a place on the north east coast of the US I wouldn't think twice about this, but I don't live anywhere but here...and it's here too now. I work in a mall therefore most of my peers are in their very early twenties. As I'm approaching 3-0, I think about life a bit differently. Most of the girls are normal, beautiful, sweet college kids, but there are a few who work very near me that sport this look. One of which we have affectionately named "Snookie". I live with no cable and haven't seen the show, but from what I gather in other forms of media...this chick in the mall is just like her. She wears uggs and short shorts, has dyed black hair, too much eye make up (black on black ugh) and is seriously ORANGE! I want to do the right thing and take her to the bathroom with some make up remover and a loofa. Why, do you want to do this to yourself?

Glasses and a Batman tee...yup yup

Aside from looking like an idiot, if that weren't enough, why are you slutty too? Do these things just coincide? I hope the guys that read this realize what kind of women are out there, and are choosing who they approach with caution. Yes, you can nail the "not so good girls" much easier, but those of us who are "good girls" are worth the wait and won't treat you like shit! So for myself, Kris, and all other Good girls out there...Guys stop playing into this stupidity! If you stop giving attention for the wrong reasons, maybe these women (said loosely and no pun intended there) will stop trying to get it using their bodies and start working on what really matters. If you are one of those "easy" girls, I'm sorry if I offended you, but damn! Grow up! Life isn't about the new push up bra, or mini skirt. It's not about the Mystic Tan and 24" hair extensions, life is about making the most of what we are given...try that instead! You are given a mind and it's clear to me it's underutilized. There is much more to being "sexy" than how few articles of clothing you wear and how tan (orange) your skin can become. I'm proud to be intelligent and don't hesitate to use that to my benefit. Maybe relying on how much attention you get for being easy isn't the greatest way to feel good about yourself.

I'm not saying to be prudent. Every human has a sexual need. I am saying to be more selective. Don't just be a SLUT! There is a time,a place and a person to let go with...find that first, then the rest will work itself out!

Nice Quiet Sunday

It has been one hell of a long weekend. I've driven all over the planet and back and still gotten no where. Saturday was a double shift for me and not a very successful one at that. Usually, Saturday doubles are great! I can expect at least 4 activations and countless upgrades (commission anyone?) but it was DEAD!! Spent my lunch break at Applebee's yet again and drank too many Greatful Deads, yet again. Caught Auburn kick ass in the SEC championship, which might be the most awesome game I've seen in ages. Then, finally made it out of work at 9:30 just to crash out and sleep. Then received a message saying I had to work today, when I was supposed to be scheduled off. I was pissed to say the least!

After almost working today (na, I'd have not gone) I made it home to see my boys. We had lots of catching up to do so we began our adventure at the place we all love, WALMART! Yes, I loathe everything that is Wal-Mart but needed food and stuff...

Anyway, We decided to have pictures made with Santa. By "we" I mean they. There should hopefully never be another photo of me and Santa for the rest of my life. Cory realized right away who the guy in the suit was, I blame living and working in a small town so everyone knows everyone. What does he do?...As loudly and bluntly as possible, he yells, "HEY, You're not the real Santa! You work at Wal-Mart!" Everyone in earshot died laughing! What can I say? I have a brilliant 5 year old. After our shopping trip, I thought it may be a good idea to grab some hot chocolate and drive around looking at all of the local Christmas lights. Both boys agreed this could be cool. However, 15 minutes into our drive and both boys had to make a "stop" and Sean was growing "bored". Apparently Christmas lights aren't cool when you're 7. So now we're all settled down watching The Princess and the Frog (my choice :P) and going to have a quiet evening together.

I have to say, this has been a pretty amazing weekend. Auburn wins the SEC championship, I caught up on missed sleep and I've spent time with the most amazing guys I know :D Life is Wonderful! I just hope the challenges I have to face now are not too hard to iron out. I damn sure deserve to be happy, after all of the bullshit!

 WAR DAMN EAGLE. Check out Mister Bones' blog...he says it better than I ever could myself!

Planning for Halloween

For years, I wanted to be an "evil Alice"...checked that one off the list this past Halloween. I started thinking about what I wanted to do next year and the only viable option is Dawn. "Why are you blogging about NEXT year's Halloween costume in December?" you ask...simple...motivation! Anyone who has ever seen Joseph Linsner's Cry for Dawn artwork, knows why I need surplus amounts of motivation. I will have to work out almost continuously to pull off this character. I know it's just a costume, but I want to do it right.

The character has to be one of the most beautiful women imagined in someone's mind. Everything about her is female...and she's badass! So, you see, the task I've set before myself is an extremely challenging one. The hair isn't a big deal, I will let mine grow. The body (not to mention boobs) is something that I may not be able to achieve...but I'm damn sure going to try. So with all of this being said, here is the first potential costume for Halloween 2011...may it live in infamy!

Ok, before my phone starts blowing up! There will definitely have to be fabric added to certain areas to allow for public display of my amazing costume abilities...but it's purple! and we all know......


I've also been thinking of the long white flowing dress, which leaves much more to the imagination and makes me a little less uncomfortable. Either way, I will be Dawn next year for Halloween. And maybe even DragonCon if I make it :D

OMG Shoes

First, I must say, every woman loves hot shoes. It's predetermined when we get the second X Chromosome or something. I'm no different than the rest of the female population. At last count, I had at least 50 pairs of shoes, and that was after "thinning" them out. I don't know why I need so many. No, I can't wear more than two at a time, but damn...shoes make me happy. This being said...I love Zombies, all things zombies in fact. I have a ring that actually states "I <3 Zombies". What do you get when you combine these two obsessions of mine???

you get this: pure fucking awesomeness

I don't know when, I don't know where, but I do know I WILL have these. "Where would you wear them?" you ask....EVERYWHERE. I would wear these bitches to the supermarket to pick up a gallon of milk. I have never longed for a pair of shoes like I do these....*SIGHS*

Even more shopping....

I spent my day away from work putting my share of money back into the economy. Grabbed a couple of small things the boys asked for and even bought myself something. Now I know it's the season of giving, but generally we don't exchange gifts in my family. Once you reach 18...you're on your own. And it was the BATMOBILE... for like a dollar. I'm super happy to add it to the shelf. :D Just too bad I have to wait until Christmas to do it.

I also got one of my favorite movies, "The Last Unicorn". It may be "crap" ;) but it was my ultimate girly pleasure as a child. Every thing else I loved consisted of mud, Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Hot Wheels, Tonka...if it was not girly, I loved it. Aside from anything purple, or having anything to do with a unicorn. To this day, I still get goosebumps when I watch Legend. True some of them are caused by Tim Curry. I still can't explain my obsession with him throughout my entire life, it's just strange.

Back to above:

I spent what I deemed "unimportant money" and went to lunch, where I spent six bucks on food I barely touched! I don't mind having less of an appetite, but really hate that I spend money to eat and it goes to waste. I can just hear my Aunt Lane asking me about the "starving children in Ethiopia" to which my reply was always grabbing a box, filling with my leftovers, and telling her we should ship it overnight. I don't like wasting anything...Being so cheap has advantages, but also drawbacks of course! No one likes a penny pincher :P

So I have this crazy busy day that is supposed to be quiet and relaxing. Get to the school to pick up Sean and Cory and think all is well...I was wrong. I don't get a few miles before I hear a blood curdling scream! I immediately pull over to see what has happened...Cory is crying and chocolate milk has covered my backseat. I didn't know he had chocolate milk. Where did it come from? How does a child just conjure a carton of chocolate milk in the backseat? I immediately used the nearest thing (my jacket) to clean the mess and dry him off. Then raced to clean my trash heap some would call a car. This is not my first incident with chocolate milk. I have been surprised with curdled almost solid chocolate milk in my backseat cup holder over the summer. If you have ever smelled milk spoiled and forgotten in your car, you know exactly the nauseating torture I endured. I had to immediately clean up the spilled milk to avoid another scrubbing and shop vac session.

I love my children, they amaze me daily. But why does a small catastrophe hit every day? It's dinner time, then bath, then bed...then Mom gets quiet, hot bath, and vodka...all will be well.

Ohh...one more thing

If this isn't culture, you can kiss my ass!


Now I'm totally finished.


...well maybe

Culture continues a year later...

This time last year, I was constantly bitching about the lack of "culture" in my life. I guess I wasn't looking hard enough. I am surrounded by music, art, books, movies and everything that gives someone a fulfilled life...I just was blind to it. I think that being happier lately helps realize the great things in my life. As I type this, I'm staring up at a six foot tall shelf filled with books, movies and random superhero memorabilia....who was I kidding? My life is full of culture and now that I see it, I'm even happier!!! God, I love being a nerd sometimes. Everyone should give it a chance at least once! So grab your copy of (Insert your personal favorite nerd art form) and enjoy. Life is too short to let bad shit cloud the greatness in your life.  I'm posting this for everyone, but most of all, for myself. I know I can look back at this and remember exactly why I have every reason in the world to be content. I have awesome stuff. If you don't currently posses cool, awesome shit like me, you can always...check out these 6 Animals that just don't give a fuck. This might be funny shit! If that still doesn't brighten your life on some molecular level, you fucking suck!

Lost Boys

Welcome back! I'm looking forward to another evening of nothingness :D Tonight is like my Friday night (off work tomorrow) so I'm going to watch horror movies and veg out. To some this is a sad existence, but to me it's what I live for.... Now the big question: Zombies or Vampires? Both have special places in my heart. I haven't seen Night of the Living Dead in a while, but then again I really want to watch Lost Boys and order Chinese hehehe I guess it will be both.

These lazy nights are few and far between, but when I get them I cherish them! I just wish the boys had a bit less energy tonight. You think they would get along once in a while. Instead they are having a full blown fight on if monsters really exist. Cory, of course, believes they do (my dreamworld like imagination at work) and is scared to pretend to be one. I swear, five year olds are nuts!

I guess I'm going to get comfy in sweats and chill in the bed with a stack of my favorite movies now...until I'm bored enough to write again!

Listen to your heart

Not the best title, but I've blogged myself stupid in the last few days....Fuck off! So now I'm alone, in my very quiet house, and all I can find to do is blogging and housework. I'm tired of housework! So here I am once again at the faithful (sometimes) laptop...typing meaningless bullshit to pass time.

I have come to the conclusion that when I was 18, I had no idea what I wanted in life. I partied, slept, ate and partied some more. Now I'm 27 and have spent almost a decade growing into the adult I was meant to become. I am a completely different person now. But I've not really sat and thought of what I wanted out of life until recently. Other than survival, which is pretty damn basic, I thought a book was enough. I'm starting to learn more and more of myself in the moments of quiet solitude and  recognize that there is much more to life than survival.

I am not a romantic person by nature. I don't have stars in my eyes and love for many in my heart. I'm bitter. When complemented, I just laugh and say "Whatever". I'm not really a girly girl, nor am I an athlete. I am very much a nerd at heart....but I'm still a woman. Romance is dead for the most part and the act of something nice for someone else usually seems more to do with one's self than the other person. I'm the type of person that does for others without thinking...if it's appreciated. I spent years in a daze that had me doing everything for another person, only to hate myself for it. In a relationship, we should WANT to make the life of the one we love better, not cause more pain and heartache. Enduring self loathing for the past few years has taught me that maybe it doesn't exist. I want the love that was written about in songs and poetry. Not the one that holds its hand out waiting on me to cater and be left broken inside.

My mom is obsessed with "chick-flicks" so I've seen nearly every one of them in my lifetime. I always said I hated them, but ultimately, I think my negative relationship swayed that opinion. I just didn't see it realistically. Can someone really love me as much as I do them? Does the fairy-tale romance exist in our world? I always thought men couldn't love as much or as deeply as women. They don't have the same wiring we do. I look back on my past relationships and wonder if I ever loved anyone the way a woman should love a man or if I was just blinded by the fact that someone seemed to give a shit. I never gave all of myself to anyone. I've never trusted anyone not to hurt me so I kept something back. I don't regret doing this, because I don't think I would have kept anything if there weren't a good reason. So it comes back to this unspoken, unspoiled, simple give and take situation. I advise anyone never take more than you give and never give more than you take.

I do, however, live in the real world. Life is hard. It has conflict, sorrow, pain, anger, and loss. I guess what I'm thinking is, if you can find someone who still makes you happy even if life gets shitty...that's what love should be. Someone who cares and wants you to care for them, and who will appreciate when you do. Ultimately, this post was inspired by a song. I heard it and thought..."hmmm no way that would ever be", and realized how heartless that made me. So after some contemplation on the subject of love...I think that anything is possible, just not common. So wouldn't that make it special?



This is what I think it should be....not just for a moment, but a lifetime. Not that most of us will have it, but if you do, never stop being amazed that you posses something so beautiful!

The End

I've been thinking...I know it's scary, huh?

So anyway, I have been making important decisions lately. Those of you that read this blog know that I have had relationship issues for a while now. I haven't kept that secret well at all. After going through the pretense of "trying to fix" things, I am officially done. As of late, I'm overwhelmed with emotions: anger, sadness, guilt, loneliness, fear, and most of all confusion. I am fully aware that I have blogged about this exact same situation on numerous occasions...Fuck off! I need to vent and if this isn't for venting...eat me! I just wish I would have not seemingly wasted time waiting on things to change when they couldn't and didn't. If ever I felt like a failure, now is that moment. No one wants to say "I'm divorced". It hurts. I also am tired of being married to someone who doesn't take responsibility for much of anything. So ultimately every problem that has ever existed is my fault of course. I've never been the kind of person that is vindictive or spiteful. I'm warm hearted and kind. It's something I was once very proud of...now I feel that it may have ultimately led to my demise. Being nice has its disadvantages. The most notable is when people take it for granted that you don't want to hurt them. I've been called names, had my feelings shattered, and been left to feel like it was my own fault. I wish it didn't take me this long to stop being a victim and start being proactive about what I want and what is necessary to go get it! So when I'm asked to give it another try (another = twenty at this point) I will politely decline. From this moment on, I will do what is best for myself, my children and the life we should have.

I keep remembering everyone saying the same things to me over the years, and I never believed it was right. I probably even denied that things were so bad just to continue to prove them wrong in my own mind. Maybe I've matured to the point where I don't mind admitting I may have made some bad decisions. I have always been very emotionally fragile, but recently I grew cold and hurtful. I never wanted to hurt anyone, until I envisioned what it would be like to actually kill someone. Not like "I'm so mad at you...I'm going to kill you", but grabbing knives and chasing after someone. How does a person go from meek and kind to short-tempered and violent? Easy....misery. I warn those of you who mistreat people you feel are weak, they will snap harder than you would ever have thought. I definitely did a few times. I didn't know I had a temper until I was 24. I went my entire young life without fighting, confrontation, or even really arguing....then one day I changed. When I spent time thinking of how bad my temper had become, I realized I needed to change.

So for the past couple of months, I've been working excessively just to make it. I depend on my friends and family more than I ever did when I was married, which might have led to some of my depression then. I am on my own in an official capacity for the first time in my life! I still have help from family and my ex-husband when Sean and Cory are concerned, which makes me wish I had graduated already so I wouldn't work the hours I have to just to pay my bills. Things will become easier as time goes on. I won't have problems sleeping alone. I won't cry for feeling I've wasted my life. I won't constantly worry if I said something wrong, or look stupid or ugly. I will hold my head up high and be HAPPY once again. Ultimately, that's all I've wanted throughout all of this. Just to simply be happy. I want to wake up and greet the day with a smile once again. I know I will...soon.

I miss being young!

I completely forgot that I was going to try and make the Twiztid show in Atlanta tonight. Had I the memory I once did, I'd have requested off and been on my way by 2pm. Unfortunately, I didn't and had to work until seven. I had already missed it!! Good thing I had a great day today, or I would be more pissed that age has betrayed me again. (Age accompanied with stupidity in my youth) I need to write things down more often!

Even though the last Twiztid concert pissed me off, I would have loved to have remembered to plan for this one. Maybe it was a fluke crap show and this time would have been awesome. For those who have never been....check this out!  And yes I still want Jamie's balls :D Next time I'll definitely be there...who cares how much money I made today?

For those of you who don't like this...don't read my blog. If I gave a fuck what everyone thought all the time, I wouldn't be myself. So if you have something to say...Shut the hell up and leave! That is all!

Writing again?

So I'm sitting here listening to Hooker Slow Jams and thinking of just how awesome the past few weeks have been.  I just know that I don't think I would have believed any of this five years ago. I seem to be really lucky lately and don't know if I'm completely deserving of any of it. Who am I to question the fates? Either way I'm glad to have been struck by all of it.  However, spending most of my time at work has been a strain on my emotions to no end. I wish I could clone myself. 
I seem to not have time for sleep or food and don't actually mind a bit. (not gonna kill me to miss a meal or eight) Countless meetings, Conference calls and Rally calls have taken over some of my personal time. That being said, I'm just glad to have some form of income that I seem to not suck at. I don't hate it. I get to be social without being really social. It's a good feeling. I could be broke and living on a street corner actually singing my own Hooker Slow Jams. Instead, I have to hear the daily blathering of unhappy consumers and their petty complaints. But hey, it's a job. I got money for doing it. I bought stuff. (Actually I bought awesome stuff, and think this Holiday is going to be awesome!)

Christmas shopping in late November, which for me is terribly late. I'm usually finished by September. Oh well, at least I got some good stuff for the low.  I think Alisha will like it...God only knows it suits her to a...well...tee hahaha ugh that was sooo full of cheddar. I think I'm going to spend the rest of this Saturday night with a full bottle of Grey Goose and some fierce grape Gatorade. (yay purple) So until next time, and I promise not to have such a lag in posts....Later

Take the good and take the bad...

Yeah, we all know it...the facts of life. It sucks you move on. I'm really looking forward to doing just that. I don't have hate or anger, just hurt and memories. My posts have become so few lately. I will definitely have to start venting more as time goes on. Thanks for the friends I have that keep me sane, I don't know what I would do without you guys. Love you all....

Yeah, I know...it's been a while :(

After my great interview that was the subject of the last real post I added here...I got the job. Which may explain my slight absence from writing. I love my job. I work at a T-mobile kiosk in the Auburn Mall. There are great co-workers, customers, and other mall employees that make the 2 hour drive worth it. Things have been pretty uneventful aside from my new job. We're getting the boys ready for school (Cory has been ready for Kindergarten for months now) Now that I have a few days to relax  I Think I may work on my tan for a bit before summer is over and I have nothing to show for it...so without sounding as if laying in the warm sun is better than being online...I'll leave you with the idea that no matter what happens in life, it usually happens for a reason. Sometimes you just have to wait to understand. Later peeps :D

Bloggerstock: The Internet Ate My....

I am really excited to be participating in a great blog swap called Bloggerstock.  I will be posting for Toya. She is a southern girl at heart who was actually born in the north. Like so many of us, music is her sanity. She is the youngest of three girls (she considers herself spoiled, but I'm sure she exaggerates). I feel privileged to be posting for a fellow southerner who personifies what being a sweet southern girl is all about! Please stop by and take a moment to read her work here.  Everyone enjoy...

Bloggerstock: The Internet Ate My....
SOCIAL LIFE!
I used to be the girl that would hang out with friends all the time. I would pick up the phone and call my best friend and we would hang out at the mall or just drive around town. I used to call family members all the time to check on them, go to clubs/parties, and be the life of the party. Well, over the years I have slowly become an outcast to not only my family and friends but to the world. It's not something I intentionally did, but it just...
happened.
I used to blame me being a "homebody" because I was a graphic designer and it was my job to stay on the computer all day long and surf the internet. No breaks. Nope. Never had time for breaks because I could miss the next design trend. My friends would call to hang out and I would just brush them off. Family members stopped calling because I was "too busy" to talk. After a while, all calls stopped together.
I justified not calling anyone back or making any contact because " I am a hard working woman and I am trying to make it in the world as a graphic designer by starting my own company."
This is how I was up until a few months ago. I can't explain how I snapped out of it but all of a sudden it started from one phone call to two. Three. Four. I will have to admit that some phone calls were never answered nor returned because I had pushed them so far away from me that there was no possible way to return. This was my own fault.
So if you are reading this, don't let this happen to you. I have lost some great friends along the way because I was so focused on what the internet had to offer and I missed out.


Links to find your way:
Link to Toya's wonderful blog- http://missyoulove.org/
Link to my blog on Bobby's site- http://insidethemindoffleshy.blogspot.com/
and finally, Link to the awesomeness that is Bloggerstock- http://bloggerstock.net/Bloggerstock/Welcome.html


Thanks to everyone who participated. I look forward to reading everyone's posts, and can't wait to swap in May.

My new reads

I spent Wednesday in Auburn under the guise of looking for computer stuff at Best Buy but found myself walking down the the evil chain bookstore. The sidewalk display of $1, $2 and $3 books was just too much to pass up....

There are always random books that catch my eye, I buy them, get them home, and HATE them. I am pleased to say, this is not the case after this trip. So back to my story....

Being the very frugal reader (or very cheap college student, you pick) I loved the idea of buying a ton of $1 books. At that price I can even splurge for over priced, over caffeinated coffee from the overly friendly barista named " Harmony". So I'm perusing the rack for some great book or books to add to the already too large collection currently being housed in large, unsightly storage containers.

To my amazement, I found a couple of really great ones that I actually read today. It's not a shock to those who know me that I'll start and finish a book in a day...these are not substantial books either, but with daily life, it's rare to me to find the time to finish two in a day. I found myself unable to put them down at all. The first book is One Hundred Young Americans by Michael Franzini. This is a beautiful interpretation of America's teens. At first glance I thought it just a book of wonderful photography with some minor details, but upon closer inspection, I found it detailed and observant view of our country's youth.

The next book I grabbed, was less insightful but no less entertaining. Lap Dancing for Mommy by Erika Lopez obviously caught my attention because of the name. I didn't really give it a good "look through" because it was $1. So what if it sucks...I spend $1 on crap everyday. It had a funny name. So I get home and finish One Hundred Young Americans and want to read something else and just grab for the book with the "stripper title". I couldn't stop reading this witty, emotionally bearing book about women, and their loves, envies, and lives! It's done in a graphic novel style, which appeals to me on so many "nerd" levels. Thanks to Daniel White and Mitch Reaves for instilling a love of all things "graphic novel" so that this awesome, cheap purchase made my collection. I'm not saying that either of these guys would read, enjoy, or even look at this particular graphic novel...just that their influence helped me appreciate the art that is the graphic novel!

ok ok...back to the book....

It has a certain raunchy humor that I enjoy, while touching on actual emotional issues. The "penis envy" jokes killed me...if you enjoy some occasional gutter humor, this is definitely something to pick up for a quick read.

I hope I haven't steered you wrong, I like it...it's good enough for me. If these books aren't to your particular taste, I never said you had to like them, but if you have read them or have read other books by these authors, Please share in comments! Enjoy your Friday!