Saturday, January 30, 2010


Okay...Okay...I think it's about time for me to be happy in this blog. Enough with the "pissed-off" Angela and time for some "Grateful for what I have" Angela.

Today has been much better than the previous. Not that it was particularly eventful or busy, but we got off rumps and accomplished SOMETHING! I am glad I don't have to continue to nag. I was feeling kinda tired of doing that, honestly, I was! So homework got finished (maybe not all of it, but at least most) My living room looks presentable for the first time in ages, and I got my discussion posts done early this week. The White house is on a roll today, folks! Hope everyone else has as great a Saturday as I have. Now off to watch campy horror movies and drink a beer...later people!


When it comes to making changes, I don't believe the thought is what, but real life altering decisions, nope! It takes time and loads of effort. The best things in life take the most effort. Making sure that you exceed (or at least meet) goals you set for yourself is not gonna happen while sitting on a sofa. Sometimes it's just making a simple phone call or driving a mile down the road, but kinetic energy may be necessary to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no authority on the matter of grabbing life by the horns and making something out of nothing. However, I do come from that "old" school of thought that hard work reaps rewards. I also don't think that we should rely on others to become our motivation to do anything! A wise man *wink wink* informed me sometimes I just need to do what I have to do to make what I want a reality...and I'm proud to say, I'm doing that. As my goals become larger and my dreams shape into focus, I WILL meet them. With or without help, kind words, or a pat on the head. I don't need someone to stand before me and tell me what I should want, only those to help guide me along with advice and well meaning support. My life is not dictated by those who think they know, and most of my time on Earth has been shadowed by my desire to please everyone around me. I am finally at a point where I look at what I want, and care less what anyone else says about it. It's amazing to know that there actually are people that have a kind word to help me along...after years of shattered hopes.

My personality has grown from the little girl seeking approval to the young woman who doesn't give a damn what anyone else thinks. I am going to make the best of what I am dealt and smile, while even in the dirt...dirt washes and I'll rise to be on day! So to those who give me support and help keep my "eyes on the prize", I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. As for those who have routinely condemned my decisions and choices, when I get there I bet my  view from the top is much, much nicer than yours!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Life as I know it....

I wish that things worked out as magically as we all hoped for...that actually requires some effort, and without that, they don't. Sometimes it seems it would be easier and much more efficient to just not care about things that bother me. Instead of dwelling on issues, just say "I don't care". People make their own decisions and choose their own doesn't have to be with me. I've spent years trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me, and have gotten no where because of it. Backpedaling feels like crap and I've been doing just that for some time now.

I live my life for no one but myself, Sean and Cory. These are the only constants I can rely upon. Everything else is filler. If you think I don't make a contribution to your life in a positive way...then what are you doing wasting your time? Move along please!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

humans of the female variety

I'm starting to remember why I don't have many "girl" friends. Females tend to talk of one another behind everyone's back and act as though it never happened. I miss the days when me and my gals could all pile up and watch a movie or just listen to music without the worries of who said what getting in the way of our friendship. When did it change to become what it is now? Are all adult women this way or just those I encounter? I've always seemed to make friends easily, but holding onto them is a different story. It's becoming apparent that this is the reason for all of my male friends now. The guys don't care who said what or who is pissed at whom...they're just guys. I'm blessed that my best friend lives with me and although he has to endure my rants, he still stands behind me for everything! I don't know a chick that is cool with me on the level that Daniel is unless it is Amanda or Alisha. They are blood and have no choice! Why are there so many women that pride themselves on pushing others into the dirt? I thought our bully on the playground days were over, but I guess I thought wrong!

Monday, January 25, 2010


I have become numb to the effects of drama up until this point...Being eternally optimistic has some limits, even for me. I want to say "Don't worry about the money, everything will work out", but as soon as the words escape my mouth the fear sets in. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T? I've done everything I could do to make sure my student loans are processed, as well as attempted to find ways to supplement these loans to ensure my tuition is paid. It seems that along with the financial stress of paying for college, I must now endure the stress of time constraints to keep my grades at the level I've previously set for myself. I have no intention of staying at home everyday to do homework...that's why this school appealed to me. I just have to re-evaluate my time and decide how best to work with my "other than school" schedule. I've been late for two assignments this week because I completely forgot about their earlier due date. Now I have to scramble to finish them and still work on new ones to bring my grades back up to said "level". It's my fault that I can't seem to work through my time and money issues...and now I must get to work on the solutions! So tomorrow is yet another trip to Montgomery to the Veteran's Affairs office. Those are fun! *rolls eyes* Maybe we can get another emergency check until Daniel's monthly payments start, but something has to give here. I don't understand how we can have done everything and still we have no money from/for school. I hate that I didn't use my scholarships when I had the chance, because now look at what I have to depend on...a useless system that doesn't want to help anyway!