Monday, November 30, 2009

Soap Box

I have to start by saying it's been one Hell of a Thanksgiving!

I feel as though I've traveled more in a week than in the last year. After all of this traveling, I couldn't prepare myself for what was ahead of me...
This weekend created serious family drama. Not in my household but in another. I think I handled it admirably, but looking at others reactions continues to depress me. I want nothing more than to scream, yell and fight for what I believe in knowing all to well it will only cause more issues. I feel as though people turn other people's problems into their own for selfish reasons. I can't ever seem to voice these opinions, because as soon as the words escape my mouth it's an all out war. I give up being helpful and courteous, and have just become complacent. While I am trying to grasp this complacency I still want to scream from the rooftops..."grow up"!!! Not everything revolves around one person. This universe is so multifaceted and complex; I'll never comprehend how people are so egocentric to make themselves the center of it. I'm not saying I myself don't need/want attention sometimes, we all do, but in this situation, lets not make it about ourselves when the problems being faced have absolutely nothing to do with "us"!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


I want Culture! I'm sick of living in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a laptop and dvd collection. Not that I don't love both of these things, it's just not cohesive to my goal of widening my horizons.

I bought my husband some canvases, with which he's done absolutely nothing and I feel like I wasted money that is too precious at this moment. Why do I try if it gets us nowhere? I thought it best for each of us to have an outlet and neither of us utilize them. It's a waste. I guess it could be said that we have high ambitions that we just disregard for pipe dreams. I will no longer be satisfied by sitting on the sofa watching "Justice League" and feeling myself get fatter...and on that note...

I'm sick of being overweight. I know EVERYONE says this, but I've spent the majority of my adult life hating the way I look and feel. I make efforts to change this but always fall short of the goals I've set for myself. I need some ideas on something I'll stick to when it comes to working out. In our house, we eat pretty well normally. I just have become almost sedentary and do little to nothing to burn a calorie, unless it's breathing.


So I've been trying to quit smoking to the discomfort of my family. I think I've yelled more in the last week than I have in ages. I want to stop but it's hard and I feel somewhat stressed more than usual because of Scouts, school and, of course, money. Maybe this wasn't such a great time to set this goal.

I'm also having trouble with the school and my financial aid paperwork. I've faxed them the "required" forms 3 times to have them e-mail me and say they haven't received it. Are they seriously this unorganized that they can't file and process 4 pieces of paper? What's the deal? Not to mention, my grades have taken a nosedive in the last week. I still have a 4.0, but I am barely grasping it now. If it falls anymore I'll scream. The veterans association sucks with the GI bill. I'll not receive a check for another month it seems and I've filed ages ago.

On a good note, I did get some cleaning caught up this weekend, so I don't feel like such a slob. I just know that this next week is going to be killer around the house. I have a few places to go for Thanksgiving as well as the Cub Scout bake sale on Wednesday; I guess I'll be baking all day Tuesday...yay me. I just want things to go smoothly and maybe some of my stress will dissipate.