Onto my almost post. Almost because I can't really say what I want. First amendment my ass, I can't post what I intended, so I'm going with this...
|felt this way all my life|
I have always been terribly shy and self conscious about everything I could. Since September 26, 2010, I have vowed to love myself no matter what, and it seems to help. I've done quite a few things in the last few months on my own that I never would have thought of before. I had this irrational fear of eating or drinking alone in public and now it's not even a big thing. I don't look at myself and hate what I see, I don't like it, but it's not the most horrible thing in the world. I'm simple and honest and content in just that. Honesty. I've been lied to my whole life by everyone around me. Promised things I never saw come to fruition. Been hurt and had my hopes shattered. All of this might have led to my self- conscious behavior and I could have easily spent the rest of my life in a bubble of blah! I refuse to have my self worth and happiness depend on the decision of another person. I don't want the "I don't want to hurt you" line of crap. No matter what...people hurt. I never wanted to let anyone down, or make them feel anything but happy. Always the people pleaser, this girl. In the end, I hurt people by not being honest, not lying, but not telling the entire truth. It's not a good idea to spare someone's feelings only to drag things out so that the truth finally cuts deeper than it would had you been honest from the start. I'm witnessing my mistakes now...I hate to hurt anyone, but am fully aware I had the power to change this two years ago and there would have been less pain all around.
So I ask all of you, if there is something you need to say...say it.
If there is something you need to do, do it.
And don't drag out the inevitable. They were right when they said "honesty is the best policy", so use it. We are only allowed so much time, why spend it being miserable and sad, when you can be happy and content.