Texts from Last Night

This is a site that I frequent daily. Thanks to my girl Lindsey for showing me this absurd, yet fall over laughing, material. Some of the posts include:

I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.


I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.


can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.


i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...


my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?


I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.


I'm fucking your sister right now.
(reply)You motherfucker
She's next.


My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow


i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(Reply)i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.


Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade


Well, I would continue to post them on my blog, but I do have to go to work at some point today. So check out Texts from Last Night I promise laughter, shock, and for some disgust.