Take the good and take the bad...

Yeah, we all know it...the facts of life. It sucks you move on. I'm really looking forward to doing just that. I don't have hate or anger, just hurt and memories. My posts have become so few lately. I will definitely have to start venting more as time goes on. Thanks for the friends I have that keep me sane, I don't know what I would do without you guys. Love you all....

Yeah, I know...it's been a while :(

After my great interview that was the subject of the last real post I added here...I got the job. Which may explain my slight absence from writing. I love my job. I work at a T-mobile kiosk in the Auburn Mall. There are great co-workers, customers, and other mall employees that make the 2 hour drive worth it. Things have been pretty uneventful aside from my new job. We're getting the boys ready for school (Cory has been ready for Kindergarten for months now) Now that I have a few days to relax  I Think I may work on my tan for a bit before summer is over and I have nothing to show for it...so without sounding as if laying in the warm sun is better than being online...I'll leave you with the idea that no matter what happens in life, it usually happens for a reason. Sometimes you just have to wait to understand. Later peeps :D

Bloggerstock: The Internet Ate My....

I am really excited to be participating in a great blog swap called Bloggerstock.  I will be posting for Toya. She is a southern girl at heart who was actually born in the north. Like so many of us, music is her sanity. She is the youngest of three girls (she considers herself spoiled, but I'm sure she exaggerates). I feel privileged to be posting for a fellow southerner who personifies what being a sweet southern girl is all about! Please stop by and take a moment to read her work here.  Everyone enjoy...

Bloggerstock: The Internet Ate My....
SOCIAL LIFE!
I used to be the girl that would hang out with friends all the time. I would pick up the phone and call my best friend and we would hang out at the mall or just drive around town. I used to call family members all the time to check on them, go to clubs/parties, and be the life of the party. Well, over the years I have slowly become an outcast to not only my family and friends but to the world. It's not something I intentionally did, but it just...
happened.
I used to blame me being a "homebody" because I was a graphic designer and it was my job to stay on the computer all day long and surf the internet. No breaks. Nope. Never had time for breaks because I could miss the next design trend. My friends would call to hang out and I would just brush them off. Family members stopped calling because I was "too busy" to talk. After a while, all calls stopped together.
I justified not calling anyone back or making any contact because " I am a hard working woman and I am trying to make it in the world as a graphic designer by starting my own company."
This is how I was up until a few months ago. I can't explain how I snapped out of it but all of a sudden it started from one phone call to two. Three. Four. I will have to admit that some phone calls were never answered nor returned because I had pushed them so far away from me that there was no possible way to return. This was my own fault.
So if you are reading this, don't let this happen to you. I have lost some great friends along the way because I was so focused on what the internet had to offer and I missed out.


Links to find your way:
Link to Toya's wonderful blog- http://missyoulove.org/
Link to my blog on Bobby's site- http://insidethemindoffleshy.blogspot.com/
and finally, Link to the awesomeness that is Bloggerstock- http://bloggerstock.net/Bloggerstock/Welcome.html


Thanks to everyone who participated. I look forward to reading everyone's posts, and can't wait to swap in May.

My new reads

I spent Wednesday in Auburn under the guise of looking for computer stuff at Best Buy but found myself walking down the the evil chain bookstore. The sidewalk display of $1, $2 and $3 books was just too much to pass up....

There are always random books that catch my eye, I buy them, get them home, and HATE them. I am pleased to say, this is not the case after this trip. So back to my story....

Being the very frugal reader (or very cheap college student, you pick) I loved the idea of buying a ton of $1 books. At that price I can even splurge for over priced, over caffeinated coffee from the overly friendly barista named " Harmony". So I'm perusing the rack for some great book or books to add to the already too large collection currently being housed in large, unsightly storage containers.

To my amazement, I found a couple of really great ones that I actually read today. It's not a shock to those who know me that I'll start and finish a book in a day...these are not substantial books either, but with daily life, it's rare to me to find the time to finish two in a day. I found myself unable to put them down at all. The first book is One Hundred Young Americans by Michael Franzini. This is a beautiful interpretation of America's teens. At first glance I thought it just a book of wonderful photography with some minor details, but upon closer inspection, I found it detailed and observant view of our country's youth.

The next book I grabbed, was less insightful but no less entertaining. Lap Dancing for Mommy by Erika Lopez obviously caught my attention because of the name. I didn't really give it a good "look through" because it was $1. So what if it sucks...I spend $1 on crap everyday. It had a funny name. So I get home and finish One Hundred Young Americans and want to read something else and just grab for the book with the "stripper title". I couldn't stop reading this witty, emotionally bearing book about women, and their loves, envies, and lives! It's done in a graphic novel style, which appeals to me on so many "nerd" levels. Thanks to Daniel White and Mitch Reaves for instilling a love of all things "graphic novel" so that this awesome, cheap purchase made my collection. I'm not saying that either of these guys would read, enjoy, or even look at this particular graphic novel...just that their influence helped me appreciate the art that is the graphic novel!

ok ok...back to the book....

It has a certain raunchy humor that I enjoy, while touching on actual emotional issues. The "penis envy" jokes killed me...if you enjoy some occasional gutter humor, this is definitely something to pick up for a quick read.

I hope I haven't steered you wrong, I like it...it's good enough for me. If these books aren't to your particular taste, I never said you had to like them, but if you have read them or have read other books by these authors, Please share in comments! Enjoy your Friday!
                                                                                  

Attack of 90s flashbacks

I've spent the last few days on a super flashback into the 90s. Not just awesome music, but weird obscure music that only I seem to remember. (Cannonball- The Breeders, look it up) Then there was a discussion on 20SB last night about this exact subject which made my mind churn up more music that I haven't thought of in years. I've even taken a trip out of my usual alternative/rock/metal comfort zone, and into some strange R&B, hip-hop, pop through the 90s. I know that what we listen to throughout our teenage years stick with us for the rest of our lives (Thanks Ross) and for me that was an amazing time. I can listen to Violent Femmes or Blur and think of an exact moment in time when I heard those bands. Who I was with...what was happening, it's like a window to a great moment. I've noticed when I get really stressed, playing Fiona Apple and just being alone takes me to a place where everything gets better. I don't know when it really started, but music has always been the most healing element of my life. For someone who loves music to the point I do, the inability to make it is depressing. I've toyed with the idea of singing, and I guess anyone can sing...only some do it well. (Let's not discuss how I have two amazingly talented sisters with great voices) This doesn't mean I don't break out into song at parties with friends jamming on guitar...yay for spontaneous "Zombie", it just means that I'd never get paid for my vocal abilities.

So I'm gonna grab some flannel and Doc Martin's, listen to Radiohead and Jane's Addiction and just remember the days. I think everyone should join me in celebrating some of the greatest music of our lifetime. So leave a comment to share your favorite songs/artists of the 90s...

The difference between want and need

After waking this morning, I could probably eat an entire animal  (or at least a whole pizza). After thinking "MMM pizza" I see an ad for Mellow Mushroom, and my craving has turned into a painful yearning desire for damn pizza at 9 am. So now I'm starving and I deal with it...check my facebook and someone is complaining about a diet. Oh yeah, now I remember why I don't get pizza... I have to seriously watch what I eat and pizza's not good.

but what if I just eat a veggie one?? and just a little slice...ugh

ok so I'm going to get a salad. I would like to say officially, Summer sucks for all the reasons I can't eat what I want, and have to settle for what I need. So I'm going to listen to The Stones and cry over Mellow Mushroom. BLAH!

A few things to live by!

ONE.  Give  people more than they expect and do it  cheerfully.

TWO.  Marry  a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get  older, their conversational skills will be as  important as any other.

THREE.  Don't  believe all you hear, spend all you have or  sleep all you want.

FOUR.  When  you say, 'I love you,' mean  it.  

 
FIVE...  When  you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the  eye..

SIX.  Be  engaged at least six months before you get  married.

SEVEN.  Believe  in love at first  sight.

EIGHT.  Never  laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have  dreams don't have much.

NINE...  Love  deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but  it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN..  In  disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.  Don't  judge people by their  relatives.  
TWELVE.  Talk  slowly but think  quickly.  

THIRTEEN. When  someone asks you a question you don't want to  answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to  know?'

FOURTEEN.  Remember  that great love and great achievements involve  great risk.

FIFTEEN.  Say  'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.  When  you lose, don't lose the  lesson.  

SEVENTEEN.  Remember  the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for  others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.  Don't  let a little dispute injure a great friendship.  

NINETEEN.  When  you realize you've made a mistake, take  immediate steps to correct  it.  

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone.  The caller will hear it in your voice  

TWENTY-  ONE. Spend  some time alone.

Is this typical student behavior?

I have grown more aware that my perfect grade point average is slipping away slowly. Could this be because I have stopped taking my classes seriously? Am I not putting forth the effort to get the work done? The answer to both of these is yes! But how do I make the necessary changes to complete assignments (on time) and get the grades I've worked so hard to keep while in college? I just looked at my grades for last week, and am appalled that I would fall so fast. I love that my professor grades my essays with lots of red marks; however, I do not like to see so many. I find myself hurt and disgusted that I made an 85 on an essay that I could have easily made a much better grade. This is what happens when I wait until the last minute to do my work! I need motivation! After some online research I found a site that should help. Household notebook provides printable lists to help you complete tasks. I know being more organized will be tremendously helpful, but is it enough? No, I don't think just organizing my life is going to bring my motivation back. My plan is simple...Everything is due by Tuesday night at 11pm. Start my assignments on Wednesday before they are actually due! This gives me a week to make them perfect and I don't have to endure the stress of trying to turn in crappy work by the deadline. The question is how to make myself do homework on Wednesday...

Who reads this crap?

Hello few people who keep up with the useless rants I post here! I'm sorry I've been away so long. Things are pretty uneventful around here...basically meaning SSDD! I have great things to discuss but have been forbidden to post anything about them or talk about them with anyone, because I might "jinx" the situation yet again. I'm going to change my name to "Jinx". I always find a way to uproot any goodness and turn it into pure, unrivaled evil.

I am glad to see my good ol' buddy blogging again. I've missed my Batcave reads for a bit! If you haven't read Bonesy's stuff, you should all check it out now!

Wow...what a tangent. Okay, back to what I was saying....
I just want one thing to go the way I expect for once. I've been told by financial aid to expect some $$ after 8 months of waiting.  Yeah, I'm going to believe some woman who tells me "I'm sending you a check" after the last 100 people have said the same thing only to have it "bungled" somehow" in processing. I'll wait and not be so trusting this time!

Another surprising fact. I spent this weekend sober! I thought I had gotten past my desire to not want to kill braincells, hey, we only use 10% of them anyway. That leaves 90% to destroy by any means necessary, right? But seriously, I made a conscious effort to not drink anything. It was weird, I felt strange, but on the upside...I felt great when waking on Sunday morning with no aftermath of the previous night to haunt my day. This is a step up from the decision a few weeks ago to only imbibe in liquor instead of beer, I'm definitely trying to get away from anything that resembles a "beer gut" and have enough weight problems as it is. So yay for Vodka and Red Bull! But even armed with a fifth of Vodka and my usual arsenal of mixers...I abstained. I'm guessing this is what it feels like to have some sort of willpower, in which I need to keep for next weekend to be the D.D. when we make the trip to the Smokin Moose to see Dead Zealous.

 
Okay it's after 2am...I've got homework (won't do until Tuesday, of course) and I need some type of rest. I'll catch you all on the flip side (whatever the hell that means???)

I'm not special?

I recently stumbled across a blog that really hit home...Her name is Jen Kim and her blog is on Psychology Today. This blog was enlightening to me! I look at other people my age and see a pattern. Our parents, the media and educators all made us feel special...or one of a kind. In truth we are so spoiled to believe that when we get into the workforce, our potential employer can't live without us...this is not true. There are millions of twenty-somethings just like me who want to do just want I want, and I'm made to believe that I'll win out amongst all of them. It's great to teach your children that they have skills that are special, but that they still must work hard. Where is the work ethic of the generations before us? We weren't made to work as hard. We have been given everything without the struggle our parents and our parent's parents endured. Jen touches on the technological advances in today's society and how it has made us more self-centered. We, as a group, depend on instant gratification. Try living without social networking for a week...I can't. Does this mean we are bad? I believe it doesn't, but that we must be capable of remaining grounded to the "IRL" part of life. Having many online friends and spending the majority of my free time, either blogging or working on homework (all online) I find that it's much easier to communicate this way. But like many of my peers, I'm finding a pattern in my life that negates anything outside of my office. I guess my goal with this post is mostly introspective (like most other posts I've made). I need to take some time to re-evaluate my goals and find out what is important, but not to forget that the hard work is a necessary evil to accomplish these goals.

I hope that you all read Jen's blog, and in doing so, it opens your eyes as it did mine. But let's not take all the blame...blame Sesame Street, they caused my self-righteous complex!

Working hard to be good

It can be said that I've not been the most supportive, positive and enthusiastic person I could have been. It could be said I'm ruthless, hurtful, and cold...I believe I was never those things before, and have become hardened by years of being used like a worthless plaything. What makes someone's personality take such a drastic nosedive into blahdom? Useless taunts and empty promises are never enough to push someone over the edge...what does? I've tried to keep an open mind and see past all of these walls and lies from everyone around me, but all I find is more lies. I've never been one to try to hurt someone for my own personal gain and still don't...but I will say, if you cut, I cut deeper, if you hit, I hit harder...keep it in mind before you start anything with me. I've waited a lifetime being subservient to those who don't deserve servitude, and now I'm pissed! Maybe I'm mad at myself...maybe at all of the times I've been walked on. I'm betting on both...but trust me that I won't be anyone's doormat anymore and I've bitten my tongue for the last time!

On a positive note (see I am trying!!) My school papers are finally finished...I found someone today who knew what they were actually talking about and took care of everything! No more waiting on paperwork to be approved, I'm good to go! I've worked on catching up homework and found that I enjoyed it. Two weeks away and it was like coming home to an old friend. I hope things stay this way...

Responsibility for words and actions (too much to ask?)

I feel as though everyone and everything around me has decided to fall off of the responsibility wagon. My school has once again "lost" my paperwork, that I have faxed and emailed numerous times, so now right before the start of my third term, I am blocked from classes. I find this odd...it's no fault of my own and they block ME from classes. I think they should give tuition discounts for every time they mess up my stuff...ok you lost my paperwork ten times (minus $1000 tuition) maybe then they would be a bit more "on top" of things. Let's not forget that if they do not remove this "block" I will miss important stuff like seminar, assignments, and projects all because they messed up my stuff. Professors are generally not cool with someone being blocked, and I totally understand that. I'd deserve it if I didn't handle my business....but....Let's just see how long it takes them to fix the issue they messed up in the first place!

On to a different rant, I am no longer anyone's secretary. I will not do your stuff without monetary payment in full before I start. I keep getting told, "I just need some help with (insert stupid task), I'll do (insert some menial favor) when I get a chance...". I am getting used with no hope of ever getting the thanks I should be. If you want to be a user...find some other "nice guy" to exploit! I'm not that person anymore.

I'm starting to hate when other people can't admit wrongdoing , which is why the stupid school stuff is burning my buns in the first place. If you are over the age of 18, have decent social and personal skills, should you not have a good understand of what it is to do wrong? No adult should have to be told "Hey, that's not nice!" or "You should take care of your own problems"....meh some adults are rarely ever responsible, dependable, or have sound judgment. It's the mirage to everyone around them that they possess these "grown-up" skills. You learn them over many different situations. If someone is always bailing you out....you learn nothing! I hope this has helped those who don't know whether or not you have passed the threshold into adulthood...for a few, I'm sure you are teetering on the doorway! Make a decision already. Come inside where you stand for yourself, by yourself, ...or stand out with the umbrella of people who do everything for you. BE A CHILD. I could care less, but I won't be the one to bail you out any longer....If you come to me for a favor, be sure you understand the repercussions of USING other people! First of these repercussions being: people don't like being used! Second, friends gladly help friends, but if over time only one friend is getting the help...someone is being used! Third, if someone helps you, don't complain about the help you are receiving. This seriously sucks. I hate when I do something out of the kindness of my heart (the way Momma taught me) and it doesn't measure up to the greatness of what some one else could do...if you don't like what I do...do it yourself! I mean all of this with the most respect I can muster at this moment. Keep in mind these bits of info...quitting smoking is crap! I want jolly ranchers! and lastly Being sick sux! all of this comes down to me wanting to break stuff after holding in some really harmful trash over the last few months.


One last thing: If you feel the need to put my name into your mouth, it's a good idea to look around at who is listening.

It's been a couple of days...

I know right? I usually blog way more often than this...we'll just blame it on an awesome birthday party and homework (though I'm sure everyone knows I've not actually done my homework as of yet). So, after a crazy couple of days I'm back! Nothing really to say negative, which is a shock to even me. I've had a great weekend with my friends and wish I had pictures to blackmail everyone with, but my camera decided against me on this.Leslie's party was a blast and I'm glad I got to spend some well deserved time away from my little "hole on the hill". Here's to hoping I can have another weekend as great as this past one!

I have finals this week. Specifically due tomorrow night! I keep putting it off because I think I can. I guess we'll see. Maybe I'll have a "serious" post after tomorrow night...doubt it. Life is Good!

My Call to Wayne Cato

I was anxious and apprehensive to call a teacher, who has since retired and ask a few general questions. All of my worries subsided when after a brief explanation of who I was and what I wanted, he was thrilled to help with my “little project”.

When asked why he became a teacher, he simply said he always knew that he had to teach. He taught for thirty years at my own Alma Matter, Handley High School, taking a brief position teaching Western Civilization at the local community college, Southern Union State Community College. When I asked why he did not stay at the college level, he said that it became more impersonal and though financially more rewarding, nothing could replace the impact that high school students had on his life. He began by teaching 8th grade English, then moved on to 10th grade World History and finally settled with 11th grade American History where he stayed for the rest of his years. By the time I reached 11th grade he had long since retired. I was, however, lucky enough to have him substitute for three months my junior year. He relaxed all fears and made History, a class I am not overly fond, fun, exciting, and mysterious. I loved my time in class with him, and think of him often now as I go along my journey to what I want to do as well.

In conclusion, my telephone conversation with Mr. Cato left me speechless, when he decided to turn from the interviewee into the interviewer. He asked why I decided to change my major from business administration to education all of the sudden. I panicked! The only answer and entirely truthful reason was because I wanted to show others the joy learning can bring and that no other career in the world would bring me this fulfillment. His response brought tears to my eyes and he simply said, “Then honey, you are meant to do nothing else, but teach others and brighten their lives”. I could never ask for a better recommendation that what he gave me, and he even said for me to stay in contact so when I graduate he can write my letter of recommendation to the school personally. I feel thankful that I chose this course of action for this assignment and am extremely motivated to accomplish my goals now. (This is actually an assignment for my Composition class...thought it fitting for a blog post tho)

It's a new day, A new dawn....

Ok so what's wrong with me and Michael Buble? It fits, you'll see...

So this weekend has been dramatic to say the least. There are some changes that I'm not sure how to feel and implement them into what I already know. Daniel and I both agreed (through tears and kind words) that there wasn't anything left for us. It's painful, it's sad, but most of all it's a relief. I felt horrible that I wasn't "in" love with him anymore and tried and tried but couldn't fall back into that comfortable spot I had found years before. No, we don't have a clue where to go from here. It's agreed that we will be active parents in our children's lives and still be friends no matter what. After all that's what we were to begin with...best of friends. We'll see where this new road leads, but I am happy and content knowing I don't have something hanging over me any longer.

Smiles

Okay...Okay...I think it's about time for me to be happy in this blog. Enough with the "pissed-off" Angela and time for some "Grateful for what I have" Angela.

Today has been much better than the previous. Not that it was particularly eventful or busy, but we got off rumps and accomplished SOMETHING! I am glad I don't have to continue to nag. I was feeling kinda tired of doing that, honestly, I was! So homework got finished (maybe not all of it, but at least most) My living room looks presentable for the first time in ages, and I got my discussion posts done early this week. The White house is on a roll today, folks! Hope everyone else has as great a Saturday as I have. Now off to watch campy horror movies and drink a beer...later people!

Motivation

When it comes to making changes, I don't believe the thought is what counts...gifts...maybe, but real life altering decisions, nope! It takes time and loads of effort. The best things in life take the most effort. Making sure that you exceed (or at least meet) goals you set for yourself is not gonna happen while sitting on a sofa. Sometimes it's just making a simple phone call or driving a mile down the road, but kinetic energy may be necessary to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no authority on the matter of grabbing life by the horns and making something out of nothing. However, I do come from that "old" school of thought that hard work reaps rewards. I also don't think that we should rely on others to become our motivation to do anything! A wise man *wink wink* informed me sometimes I just need to do what I have to do to make what I want a reality...and I'm proud to say, I'm doing that. As my goals become larger and my dreams shape into focus, I WILL meet them. With or without help, kind words, or a pat on the head. I don't need someone to stand before me and tell me what I should want, only those to help guide me along with advice and well meaning support. My life is not dictated by those who think they know, and most of my time on Earth has been shadowed by my desire to please everyone around me. I am finally at a point where I look at what I want, and care less what anyone else says about it. It's amazing to know that there actually are people that have a kind word to help me along...after years of shattered hopes.

My personality has grown from the little girl seeking approval to the young woman who doesn't give a damn what anyone else thinks. I am going to make the best of what I am dealt and smile, while even in the dirt...dirt washes and I'll rise to be on top....one day! So to those who give me support and help keep my "eyes on the prize", I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. As for those who have routinely condemned my decisions and choices, when I get there I bet my  view from the top is much, much nicer than yours!

Life as I know it....

I wish that things worked out as magically as we all hoped for...that actually requires some effort, and without that, they don't. Sometimes it seems it would be easier and much more efficient to just not care about things that bother me. Instead of dwelling on issues, just say "I don't care". People make their own decisions and choose their own paths...it doesn't have to be with me. I've spent years trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me, and have gotten no where because of it. Backpedaling feels like crap and I've been doing just that for some time now.

I live my life for no one but myself, Sean and Cory. These are the only constants I can rely upon. Everything else is filler. If you think I don't make a contribution to your life in a positive way...then what are you doing wasting your time? Move along please!

humans of the female variety

I'm starting to remember why I don't have many "girl" friends. Females tend to talk of one another behind everyone's back and act as though it never happened. I miss the days when me and my gals could all pile up and watch a movie or just listen to music without the worries of who said what getting in the way of our friendship. When did it change to become what it is now? Are all adult women this way or just those I encounter? I've always seemed to make friends easily, but holding onto them is a different story. It's becoming apparent that this is the reason for all of my male friends now. The guys don't care who said what or who is pissed at whom...they're just guys. I'm blessed that my best friend lives with me and although he has to endure my rants, he still stands behind me for everything! I don't know a chick that is cool with me on the level that Daniel is unless it is Amanda or Alisha. They are blood and have no choice! Why are there so many women that pride themselves on pushing others into the dirt? I thought our bully on the playground days were over, but I guess I thought wrong!

School

I have become numb to the effects of drama up until this point...Being eternally optimistic has some limits, even for me. I want to say "Don't worry about the money, everything will work out", but as soon as the words escape my mouth the fear sets in. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T? I've done everything I could do to make sure my student loans are processed, as well as attempted to find ways to supplement these loans to ensure my tuition is paid. It seems that along with the financial stress of paying for college, I must now endure the stress of time constraints to keep my grades at the level I've previously set for myself. I have no intention of staying at home everyday to do homework...that's why this school appealed to me. I just have to re-evaluate my time and decide how best to work with my "other than school" schedule. I've been late for two assignments this week because I completely forgot about their earlier due date. Now I have to scramble to finish them and still work on new ones to bring my grades back up to said "level". It's my fault that I can't seem to work through my time and money issues...and now I must get to work on the solutions! So tomorrow is yet another trip to Montgomery to the Veteran's Affairs office. Those are fun! *rolls eyes* Maybe we can get another emergency check until Daniel's monthly payments start, but something has to give here. I don't understand how we can have done everything and still we have no money from/for school. I hate that I didn't use my scholarships when I had the chance, because now look at what I have to depend on...a useless system that doesn't want to help anyway!