A few things to live by!

ONE.  Give  people more than they expect and do it  cheerfully.

TWO.  Marry  a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get  older, their conversational skills will be as  important as any other.

THREE.  Don't  believe all you hear, spend all you have or  sleep all you want.

FOUR.  When  you say, 'I love you,' mean  it.  

 
FIVE...  When  you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the  eye..

SIX.  Be  engaged at least six months before you get  married.

SEVEN.  Believe  in love at first  sight.

EIGHT.  Never  laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have  dreams don't have much.

NINE...  Love  deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but  it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN..  In  disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.  Don't  judge people by their  relatives.  
TWELVE.  Talk  slowly but think  quickly.  

THIRTEEN. When  someone asks you a question you don't want to  answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to  know?'

FOURTEEN.  Remember  that great love and great achievements involve  great risk.

FIFTEEN.  Say  'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.  When  you lose, don't lose the  lesson.  

SEVENTEEN.  Remember  the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for  others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.  Don't  let a little dispute injure a great friendship.  

NINETEEN.  When  you realize you've made a mistake, take  immediate steps to correct  it.  

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone.  The caller will hear it in your voice  

TWENTY-  ONE. Spend  some time alone.

Is this typical student behavior?

I have grown more aware that my perfect grade point average is slipping away slowly. Could this be because I have stopped taking my classes seriously? Am I not putting forth the effort to get the work done? The answer to both of these is yes! But how do I make the necessary changes to complete assignments (on time) and get the grades I've worked so hard to keep while in college? I just looked at my grades for last week, and am appalled that I would fall so fast. I love that my professor grades my essays with lots of red marks; however, I do not like to see so many. I find myself hurt and disgusted that I made an 85 on an essay that I could have easily made a much better grade. This is what happens when I wait until the last minute to do my work! I need motivation! After some online research I found a site that should help. Household notebook provides printable lists to help you complete tasks. I know being more organized will be tremendously helpful, but is it enough? No, I don't think just organizing my life is going to bring my motivation back. My plan is simple...Everything is due by Tuesday night at 11pm. Start my assignments on Wednesday before they are actually due! This gives me a week to make them perfect and I don't have to endure the stress of trying to turn in crappy work by the deadline. The question is how to make myself do homework on Wednesday...

Who reads this crap?

Hello few people who keep up with the useless rants I post here! I'm sorry I've been away so long. Things are pretty uneventful around here...basically meaning SSDD! I have great things to discuss but have been forbidden to post anything about them or talk about them with anyone, because I might "jinx" the situation yet again. I'm going to change my name to "Jinx". I always find a way to uproot any goodness and turn it into pure, unrivaled evil.

I am glad to see my good ol' buddy blogging again. I've missed my Batcave reads for a bit! If you haven't read Bonesy's stuff, you should all check it out now!

Wow...what a tangent. Okay, back to what I was saying....
I just want one thing to go the way I expect for once. I've been told by financial aid to expect some $$ after 8 months of waiting.  Yeah, I'm going to believe some woman who tells me "I'm sending you a check" after the last 100 people have said the same thing only to have it "bungled" somehow" in processing. I'll wait and not be so trusting this time!

Another surprising fact. I spent this weekend sober! I thought I had gotten past my desire to not want to kill braincells, hey, we only use 10% of them anyway. That leaves 90% to destroy by any means necessary, right? But seriously, I made a conscious effort to not drink anything. It was weird, I felt strange, but on the upside...I felt great when waking on Sunday morning with no aftermath of the previous night to haunt my day. This is a step up from the decision a few weeks ago to only imbibe in liquor instead of beer, I'm definitely trying to get away from anything that resembles a "beer gut" and have enough weight problems as it is. So yay for Vodka and Red Bull! But even armed with a fifth of Vodka and my usual arsenal of mixers...I abstained. I'm guessing this is what it feels like to have some sort of willpower, in which I need to keep for next weekend to be the D.D. when we make the trip to the Smokin Moose to see Dead Zealous.

 
Okay it's after 2am...I've got homework (won't do until Tuesday, of course) and I need some type of rest. I'll catch you all on the flip side (whatever the hell that means???)

I'm not special?

I recently stumbled across a blog that really hit home...Her name is Jen Kim and her blog is on Psychology Today. This blog was enlightening to me! I look at other people my age and see a pattern. Our parents, the media and educators all made us feel special...or one of a kind. In truth we are so spoiled to believe that when we get into the workforce, our potential employer can't live without us...this is not true. There are millions of twenty-somethings just like me who want to do just want I want, and I'm made to believe that I'll win out amongst all of them. It's great to teach your children that they have skills that are special, but that they still must work hard. Where is the work ethic of the generations before us? We weren't made to work as hard. We have been given everything without the struggle our parents and our parent's parents endured. Jen touches on the technological advances in today's society and how it has made us more self-centered. We, as a group, depend on instant gratification. Try living without social networking for a week...I can't. Does this mean we are bad? I believe it doesn't, but that we must be capable of remaining grounded to the "IRL" part of life. Having many online friends and spending the majority of my free time, either blogging or working on homework (all online) I find that it's much easier to communicate this way. But like many of my peers, I'm finding a pattern in my life that negates anything outside of my office. I guess my goal with this post is mostly introspective (like most other posts I've made). I need to take some time to re-evaluate my goals and find out what is important, but not to forget that the hard work is a necessary evil to accomplish these goals.

I hope that you all read Jen's blog, and in doing so, it opens your eyes as it did mine. But let's not take all the blame...blame Sesame Street, they caused my self-righteous complex!

Working hard to be good

It can be said that I've not been the most supportive, positive and enthusiastic person I could have been. It could be said I'm ruthless, hurtful, and cold...I believe I was never those things before, and have become hardened by years of being used like a worthless plaything. What makes someone's personality take such a drastic nosedive into blahdom? Useless taunts and empty promises are never enough to push someone over the edge...what does? I've tried to keep an open mind and see past all of these walls and lies from everyone around me, but all I find is more lies. I've never been one to try to hurt someone for my own personal gain and still don't...but I will say, if you cut, I cut deeper, if you hit, I hit harder...keep it in mind before you start anything with me. I've waited a lifetime being subservient to those who don't deserve servitude, and now I'm pissed! Maybe I'm mad at myself...maybe at all of the times I've been walked on. I'm betting on both...but trust me that I won't be anyone's doormat anymore and I've bitten my tongue for the last time!

On a positive note (see I am trying!!) My school papers are finally finished...I found someone today who knew what they were actually talking about and took care of everything! No more waiting on paperwork to be approved, I'm good to go! I've worked on catching up homework and found that I enjoyed it. Two weeks away and it was like coming home to an old friend. I hope things stay this way...

Responsibility for words and actions (too much to ask?)

I feel as though everyone and everything around me has decided to fall off of the responsibility wagon. My school has once again "lost" my paperwork, that I have faxed and emailed numerous times, so now right before the start of my third term, I am blocked from classes. I find this odd...it's no fault of my own and they block ME from classes. I think they should give tuition discounts for every time they mess up my stuff...ok you lost my paperwork ten times (minus $1000 tuition) maybe then they would be a bit more "on top" of things. Let's not forget that if they do not remove this "block" I will miss important stuff like seminar, assignments, and projects all because they messed up my stuff. Professors are generally not cool with someone being blocked, and I totally understand that. I'd deserve it if I didn't handle my business....but....Let's just see how long it takes them to fix the issue they messed up in the first place!

On to a different rant, I am no longer anyone's secretary. I will not do your stuff without monetary payment in full before I start. I keep getting told, "I just need some help with (insert stupid task), I'll do (insert some menial favor) when I get a chance...". I am getting used with no hope of ever getting the thanks I should be. If you want to be a user...find some other "nice guy" to exploit! I'm not that person anymore.

I'm starting to hate when other people can't admit wrongdoing , which is why the stupid school stuff is burning my buns in the first place. If you are over the age of 18, have decent social and personal skills, should you not have a good understand of what it is to do wrong? No adult should have to be told "Hey, that's not nice!" or "You should take care of your own problems"....meh some adults are rarely ever responsible, dependable, or have sound judgment. It's the mirage to everyone around them that they possess these "grown-up" skills. You learn them over many different situations. If someone is always bailing you out....you learn nothing! I hope this has helped those who don't know whether or not you have passed the threshold into adulthood...for a few, I'm sure you are teetering on the doorway! Make a decision already. Come inside where you stand for yourself, by yourself, ...or stand out with the umbrella of people who do everything for you. BE A CHILD. I could care less, but I won't be the one to bail you out any longer....If you come to me for a favor, be sure you understand the repercussions of USING other people! First of these repercussions being: people don't like being used! Second, friends gladly help friends, but if over time only one friend is getting the help...someone is being used! Third, if someone helps you, don't complain about the help you are receiving. This seriously sucks. I hate when I do something out of the kindness of my heart (the way Momma taught me) and it doesn't measure up to the greatness of what some one else could do...if you don't like what I do...do it yourself! I mean all of this with the most respect I can muster at this moment. Keep in mind these bits of info...quitting smoking is crap! I want jolly ranchers! and lastly Being sick sux! all of this comes down to me wanting to break stuff after holding in some really harmful trash over the last few months.


One last thing: If you feel the need to put my name into your mouth, it's a good idea to look around at who is listening.

It's been a couple of days...

I know right? I usually blog way more often than this...we'll just blame it on an awesome birthday party and homework (though I'm sure everyone knows I've not actually done my homework as of yet). So, after a crazy couple of days I'm back! Nothing really to say negative, which is a shock to even me. I've had a great weekend with my friends and wish I had pictures to blackmail everyone with, but my camera decided against me on this.Leslie's party was a blast and I'm glad I got to spend some well deserved time away from my little "hole on the hill". Here's to hoping I can have another weekend as great as this past one!

I have finals this week. Specifically due tomorrow night! I keep putting it off because I think I can. I guess we'll see. Maybe I'll have a "serious" post after tomorrow night...doubt it. Life is Good!

My Call to Wayne Cato

I was anxious and apprehensive to call a teacher, who has since retired and ask a few general questions. All of my worries subsided when after a brief explanation of who I was and what I wanted, he was thrilled to help with my “little project”.

When asked why he became a teacher, he simply said he always knew that he had to teach. He taught for thirty years at my own Alma Matter, Handley High School, taking a brief position teaching Western Civilization at the local community college, Southern Union State Community College. When I asked why he did not stay at the college level, he said that it became more impersonal and though financially more rewarding, nothing could replace the impact that high school students had on his life. He began by teaching 8th grade English, then moved on to 10th grade World History and finally settled with 11th grade American History where he stayed for the rest of his years. By the time I reached 11th grade he had long since retired. I was, however, lucky enough to have him substitute for three months my junior year. He relaxed all fears and made History, a class I am not overly fond, fun, exciting, and mysterious. I loved my time in class with him, and think of him often now as I go along my journey to what I want to do as well.

In conclusion, my telephone conversation with Mr. Cato left me speechless, when he decided to turn from the interviewee into the interviewer. He asked why I decided to change my major from business administration to education all of the sudden. I panicked! The only answer and entirely truthful reason was because I wanted to show others the joy learning can bring and that no other career in the world would bring me this fulfillment. His response brought tears to my eyes and he simply said, “Then honey, you are meant to do nothing else, but teach others and brighten their lives”. I could never ask for a better recommendation that what he gave me, and he even said for me to stay in contact so when I graduate he can write my letter of recommendation to the school personally. I feel thankful that I chose this course of action for this assignment and am extremely motivated to accomplish my goals now. (This is actually an assignment for my Composition class...thought it fitting for a blog post tho)

It's a new day, A new dawn....

Ok so what's wrong with me and Michael Buble? It fits, you'll see...

So this weekend has been dramatic to say the least. There are some changes that I'm not sure how to feel and implement them into what I already know. Daniel and I both agreed (through tears and kind words) that there wasn't anything left for us. It's painful, it's sad, but most of all it's a relief. I felt horrible that I wasn't "in" love with him anymore and tried and tried but couldn't fall back into that comfortable spot I had found years before. No, we don't have a clue where to go from here. It's agreed that we will be active parents in our children's lives and still be friends no matter what. After all that's what we were to begin with...best of friends. We'll see where this new road leads, but I am happy and content knowing I don't have something hanging over me any longer.

Smiles

Okay...Okay...I think it's about time for me to be happy in this blog. Enough with the "pissed-off" Angela and time for some "Grateful for what I have" Angela.

Today has been much better than the previous. Not that it was particularly eventful or busy, but we got off rumps and accomplished SOMETHING! I am glad I don't have to continue to nag. I was feeling kinda tired of doing that, honestly, I was! So homework got finished (maybe not all of it, but at least most) My living room looks presentable for the first time in ages, and I got my discussion posts done early this week. The White house is on a roll today, folks! Hope everyone else has as great a Saturday as I have. Now off to watch campy horror movies and drink a beer...later people!

Motivation

When it comes to making changes, I don't believe the thought is what counts...gifts...maybe, but real life altering decisions, nope! It takes time and loads of effort. The best things in life take the most effort. Making sure that you exceed (or at least meet) goals you set for yourself is not gonna happen while sitting on a sofa. Sometimes it's just making a simple phone call or driving a mile down the road, but kinetic energy may be necessary to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no authority on the matter of grabbing life by the horns and making something out of nothing. However, I do come from that "old" school of thought that hard work reaps rewards. I also don't think that we should rely on others to become our motivation to do anything! A wise man *wink wink* informed me sometimes I just need to do what I have to do to make what I want a reality...and I'm proud to say, I'm doing that. As my goals become larger and my dreams shape into focus, I WILL meet them. With or without help, kind words, or a pat on the head. I don't need someone to stand before me and tell me what I should want, only those to help guide me along with advice and well meaning support. My life is not dictated by those who think they know, and most of my time on Earth has been shadowed by my desire to please everyone around me. I am finally at a point where I look at what I want, and care less what anyone else says about it. It's amazing to know that there actually are people that have a kind word to help me along...after years of shattered hopes.

My personality has grown from the little girl seeking approval to the young woman who doesn't give a damn what anyone else thinks. I am going to make the best of what I am dealt and smile, while even in the dirt...dirt washes and I'll rise to be on top....one day! So to those who give me support and help keep my "eyes on the prize", I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. As for those who have routinely condemned my decisions and choices, when I get there I bet my  view from the top is much, much nicer than yours!

Life as I know it....

I wish that things worked out as magically as we all hoped for...that actually requires some effort, and without that, they don't. Sometimes it seems it would be easier and much more efficient to just not care about things that bother me. Instead of dwelling on issues, just say "I don't care". People make their own decisions and choose their own paths...it doesn't have to be with me. I've spent years trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me, and have gotten no where because of it. Backpedaling feels like crap and I've been doing just that for some time now.

I live my life for no one but myself, Sean and Cory. These are the only constants I can rely upon. Everything else is filler. If you think I don't make a contribution to your life in a positive way...then what are you doing wasting your time? Move along please!

humans of the female variety

I'm starting to remember why I don't have many "girl" friends. Females tend to talk of one another behind everyone's back and act as though it never happened. I miss the days when me and my gals could all pile up and watch a movie or just listen to music without the worries of who said what getting in the way of our friendship. When did it change to become what it is now? Are all adult women this way or just those I encounter? I've always seemed to make friends easily, but holding onto them is a different story. It's becoming apparent that this is the reason for all of my male friends now. The guys don't care who said what or who is pissed at whom...they're just guys. I'm blessed that my best friend lives with me and although he has to endure my rants, he still stands behind me for everything! I don't know a chick that is cool with me on the level that Daniel is unless it is Amanda or Alisha. They are blood and have no choice! Why are there so many women that pride themselves on pushing others into the dirt? I thought our bully on the playground days were over, but I guess I thought wrong!

School

I have become numb to the effects of drama up until this point...Being eternally optimistic has some limits, even for me. I want to say "Don't worry about the money, everything will work out", but as soon as the words escape my mouth the fear sets in. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T? I've done everything I could do to make sure my student loans are processed, as well as attempted to find ways to supplement these loans to ensure my tuition is paid. It seems that along with the financial stress of paying for college, I must now endure the stress of time constraints to keep my grades at the level I've previously set for myself. I have no intention of staying at home everyday to do homework...that's why this school appealed to me. I just have to re-evaluate my time and decide how best to work with my "other than school" schedule. I've been late for two assignments this week because I completely forgot about their earlier due date. Now I have to scramble to finish them and still work on new ones to bring my grades back up to said "level". It's my fault that I can't seem to work through my time and money issues...and now I must get to work on the solutions! So tomorrow is yet another trip to Montgomery to the Veteran's Affairs office. Those are fun! *rolls eyes* Maybe we can get another emergency check until Daniel's monthly payments start, but something has to give here. I don't understand how we can have done everything and still we have no money from/for school. I hate that I didn't use my scholarships when I had the chance, because now look at what I have to depend on...a useless system that doesn't want to help anyway!

Working

So I've been working at the new local bakery, and I love it. I'll say it helps to be around stuff I'd normally love to devourer all day, because I no longer have the same desire to consume everything in sight. It has to be the most fun I've ever had working...EVER! The hours are long and hard but I think I'm functioning even though I'm waking at 3:30 am and getting to bed after 9pm.

It is a strange sight to see me broken from slumber by 10 in the morning usually, but I deal. We have a great team and more than that we have a blast doing what just comes naturally. My "boss" is becoming a wonderful friend so boss is a harsh term for what actually defines Angela. I've learned so much in the last few weeks and can't wait to learn more and more as time progresses. Patience is a virtue and I don't mind helping build the business to have a long term position if it's offered, if that doesn't happen I've enjoyed every minute of my time at Homemade Delights. Everyone stop by and check us out!! We have Doughnuts hehe.

Soap Box

I have to start by saying it's been one Hell of a Thanksgiving!

I feel as though I've traveled more in a week than in the last year. After all of this traveling, I couldn't prepare myself for what was ahead of me...
This weekend created serious family drama. Not in my household but in another. I think I handled it admirably, but looking at others reactions continues to depress me. I want nothing more than to scream, yell and fight for what I believe in knowing all to well it will only cause more issues. I feel as though people turn other people's problems into their own for selfish reasons. I can't ever seem to voice these opinions, because as soon as the words escape my mouth it's an all out war. I give up being helpful and courteous, and have just become complacent. While I am trying to grasp this complacency I still want to scream from the rooftops..."grow up"!!! Not everything revolves around one person. This universe is so multifaceted and complex; I'll never comprehend how people are so egocentric to make themselves the center of it. I'm not saying I myself don't need/want attention sometimes, we all do, but in this situation, lets not make it about ourselves when the problems being faced have absolutely nothing to do with "us"!

Culture

I want Culture! I'm sick of living in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a laptop and dvd collection. Not that I don't love both of these things, it's just not cohesive to my goal of widening my horizons.

I bought my husband some canvases, with which he's done absolutely nothing and I feel like I wasted money that is too precious at this moment. Why do I try if it gets us nowhere? I thought it best for each of us to have an outlet and neither of us utilize them. It's a waste. I guess it could be said that we have high ambitions that we just disregard for pipe dreams. I will no longer be satisfied by sitting on the sofa watching "Justice League" and feeling myself get fatter...and on that note...

I'm sick of being overweight. I know EVERYONE says this, but I've spent the majority of my adult life hating the way I look and feel. I make efforts to change this but always fall short of the goals I've set for myself. I need some ideas on something I'll stick to when it comes to working out. In our house, we eat pretty well normally. I just have become almost sedentary and do little to nothing to burn a calorie, unless it's breathing.

Stress

So I've been trying to quit smoking to the discomfort of my family. I think I've yelled more in the last week than I have in ages. I want to stop but it's hard and I feel somewhat stressed more than usual because of Scouts, school and, of course, money. Maybe this wasn't such a great time to set this goal.

I'm also having trouble with the school and my financial aid paperwork. I've faxed them the "required" forms 3 times to have them e-mail me and say they haven't received it. Are they seriously this unorganized that they can't file and process 4 pieces of paper? What's the deal? Not to mention, my grades have taken a nosedive in the last week. I still have a 4.0, but I am barely grasping it now. If it falls anymore I'll scream. The veterans association sucks with the GI bill. I'll not receive a check for another month it seems and I've filed ages ago.

On a good note, I did get some cleaning caught up this weekend, so I don't feel like such a slob. I just know that this next week is going to be killer around the house. I have a few places to go for Thanksgiving as well as the Cub Scout bake sale on Wednesday; I guess I'll be baking all day Tuesday...yay me. I just want things to go smoothly and maybe some of my stress will dissipate.