My Call to Wayne Cato

I was anxious and apprehensive to call a teacher, who has since retired and ask a few general questions. All of my worries subsided when after a brief explanation of who I was and what I wanted, he was thrilled to help with my “little project”.

When asked why he became a teacher, he simply said he always knew that he had to teach. He taught for thirty years at my own Alma Matter, Handley High School, taking a brief position teaching Western Civilization at the local community college, Southern Union State Community College. When I asked why he did not stay at the college level, he said that it became more impersonal and though financially more rewarding, nothing could replace the impact that high school students had on his life. He began by teaching 8th grade English, then moved on to 10th grade World History and finally settled with 11th grade American History where he stayed for the rest of his years. By the time I reached 11th grade he had long since retired. I was, however, lucky enough to have him substitute for three months my junior year. He relaxed all fears and made History, a class I am not overly fond, fun, exciting, and mysterious. I loved my time in class with him, and think of him often now as I go along my journey to what I want to do as well.

In conclusion, my telephone conversation with Mr. Cato left me speechless, when he decided to turn from the interviewee into the interviewer. He asked why I decided to change my major from business administration to education all of the sudden. I panicked! The only answer and entirely truthful reason was because I wanted to show others the joy learning can bring and that no other career in the world would bring me this fulfillment. His response brought tears to my eyes and he simply said, “Then honey, you are meant to do nothing else, but teach others and brighten their lives”. I could never ask for a better recommendation that what he gave me, and he even said for me to stay in contact so when I graduate he can write my letter of recommendation to the school personally. I feel thankful that I chose this course of action for this assignment and am extremely motivated to accomplish my goals now. (This is actually an assignment for my Composition class...thought it fitting for a blog post tho)

It's a new day, A new dawn....

Ok so what's wrong with me and Michael Buble? It fits, you'll see...

So this weekend has been dramatic to say the least. There are some changes that I'm not sure how to feel and implement them into what I already know. Daniel and I both agreed (through tears and kind words) that there wasn't anything left for us. It's painful, it's sad, but most of all it's a relief. I felt horrible that I wasn't "in" love with him anymore and tried and tried but couldn't fall back into that comfortable spot I had found years before. No, we don't have a clue where to go from here. It's agreed that we will be active parents in our children's lives and still be friends no matter what. After all that's what we were to begin with...best of friends. We'll see where this new road leads, but I am happy and content knowing I don't have something hanging over me any longer.

Smiles

Okay...Okay...I think it's about time for me to be happy in this blog. Enough with the "pissed-off" Angela and time for some "Grateful for what I have" Angela.

Today has been much better than the previous. Not that it was particularly eventful or busy, but we got off rumps and accomplished SOMETHING! I am glad I don't have to continue to nag. I was feeling kinda tired of doing that, honestly, I was! So homework got finished (maybe not all of it, but at least most) My living room looks presentable for the first time in ages, and I got my discussion posts done early this week. The White house is on a roll today, folks! Hope everyone else has as great a Saturday as I have. Now off to watch campy horror movies and drink a beer...later people!

Motivation

When it comes to making changes, I don't believe the thought is what counts...gifts...maybe, but real life altering decisions, nope! It takes time and loads of effort. The best things in life take the most effort. Making sure that you exceed (or at least meet) goals you set for yourself is not gonna happen while sitting on a sofa. Sometimes it's just making a simple phone call or driving a mile down the road, but kinetic energy may be necessary to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no authority on the matter of grabbing life by the horns and making something out of nothing. However, I do come from that "old" school of thought that hard work reaps rewards. I also don't think that we should rely on others to become our motivation to do anything! A wise man *wink wink* informed me sometimes I just need to do what I have to do to make what I want a reality...and I'm proud to say, I'm doing that. As my goals become larger and my dreams shape into focus, I WILL meet them. With or without help, kind words, or a pat on the head. I don't need someone to stand before me and tell me what I should want, only those to help guide me along with advice and well meaning support. My life is not dictated by those who think they know, and most of my time on Earth has been shadowed by my desire to please everyone around me. I am finally at a point where I look at what I want, and care less what anyone else says about it. It's amazing to know that there actually are people that have a kind word to help me along...after years of shattered hopes.

My personality has grown from the little girl seeking approval to the young woman who doesn't give a damn what anyone else thinks. I am going to make the best of what I am dealt and smile, while even in the dirt...dirt washes and I'll rise to be on top....one day! So to those who give me support and help keep my "eyes on the prize", I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. As for those who have routinely condemned my decisions and choices, when I get there I bet my  view from the top is much, much nicer than yours!

Life as I know it....

I wish that things worked out as magically as we all hoped for...that actually requires some effort, and without that, they don't. Sometimes it seems it would be easier and much more efficient to just not care about things that bother me. Instead of dwelling on issues, just say "I don't care". People make their own decisions and choose their own paths...it doesn't have to be with me. I've spent years trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me, and have gotten no where because of it. Backpedaling feels like crap and I've been doing just that for some time now.

I live my life for no one but myself, Sean and Cory. These are the only constants I can rely upon. Everything else is filler. If you think I don't make a contribution to your life in a positive way...then what are you doing wasting your time? Move along please!

humans of the female variety

I'm starting to remember why I don't have many "girl" friends. Females tend to talk of one another behind everyone's back and act as though it never happened. I miss the days when me and my gals could all pile up and watch a movie or just listen to music without the worries of who said what getting in the way of our friendship. When did it change to become what it is now? Are all adult women this way or just those I encounter? I've always seemed to make friends easily, but holding onto them is a different story. It's becoming apparent that this is the reason for all of my male friends now. The guys don't care who said what or who is pissed at whom...they're just guys. I'm blessed that my best friend lives with me and although he has to endure my rants, he still stands behind me for everything! I don't know a chick that is cool with me on the level that Daniel is unless it is Amanda or Alisha. They are blood and have no choice! Why are there so many women that pride themselves on pushing others into the dirt? I thought our bully on the playground days were over, but I guess I thought wrong!

School

I have become numb to the effects of drama up until this point...Being eternally optimistic has some limits, even for me. I want to say "Don't worry about the money, everything will work out", but as soon as the words escape my mouth the fear sets in. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T? I've done everything I could do to make sure my student loans are processed, as well as attempted to find ways to supplement these loans to ensure my tuition is paid. It seems that along with the financial stress of paying for college, I must now endure the stress of time constraints to keep my grades at the level I've previously set for myself. I have no intention of staying at home everyday to do homework...that's why this school appealed to me. I just have to re-evaluate my time and decide how best to work with my "other than school" schedule. I've been late for two assignments this week because I completely forgot about their earlier due date. Now I have to scramble to finish them and still work on new ones to bring my grades back up to said "level". It's my fault that I can't seem to work through my time and money issues...and now I must get to work on the solutions! So tomorrow is yet another trip to Montgomery to the Veteran's Affairs office. Those are fun! *rolls eyes* Maybe we can get another emergency check until Daniel's monthly payments start, but something has to give here. I don't understand how we can have done everything and still we have no money from/for school. I hate that I didn't use my scholarships when I had the chance, because now look at what I have to depend on...a useless system that doesn't want to help anyway!

Working

So I've been working at the new local bakery, and I love it. I'll say it helps to be around stuff I'd normally love to devourer all day, because I no longer have the same desire to consume everything in sight. It has to be the most fun I've ever had working...EVER! The hours are long and hard but I think I'm functioning even though I'm waking at 3:30 am and getting to bed after 9pm.

It is a strange sight to see me broken from slumber by 10 in the morning usually, but I deal. We have a great team and more than that we have a blast doing what just comes naturally. My "boss" is becoming a wonderful friend so boss is a harsh term for what actually defines Angela. I've learned so much in the last few weeks and can't wait to learn more and more as time progresses. Patience is a virtue and I don't mind helping build the business to have a long term position if it's offered, if that doesn't happen I've enjoyed every minute of my time at Homemade Delights. Everyone stop by and check us out!! We have Doughnuts hehe.

Soap Box

I have to start by saying it's been one Hell of a Thanksgiving!

I feel as though I've traveled more in a week than in the last year. After all of this traveling, I couldn't prepare myself for what was ahead of me...
This weekend created serious family drama. Not in my household but in another. I think I handled it admirably, but looking at others reactions continues to depress me. I want nothing more than to scream, yell and fight for what I believe in knowing all to well it will only cause more issues. I feel as though people turn other people's problems into their own for selfish reasons. I can't ever seem to voice these opinions, because as soon as the words escape my mouth it's an all out war. I give up being helpful and courteous, and have just become complacent. While I am trying to grasp this complacency I still want to scream from the rooftops..."grow up"!!! Not everything revolves around one person. This universe is so multifaceted and complex; I'll never comprehend how people are so egocentric to make themselves the center of it. I'm not saying I myself don't need/want attention sometimes, we all do, but in this situation, lets not make it about ourselves when the problems being faced have absolutely nothing to do with "us"!

Culture

I want Culture! I'm sick of living in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a laptop and dvd collection. Not that I don't love both of these things, it's just not cohesive to my goal of widening my horizons.

I bought my husband some canvases, with which he's done absolutely nothing and I feel like I wasted money that is too precious at this moment. Why do I try if it gets us nowhere? I thought it best for each of us to have an outlet and neither of us utilize them. It's a waste. I guess it could be said that we have high ambitions that we just disregard for pipe dreams. I will no longer be satisfied by sitting on the sofa watching "Justice League" and feeling myself get fatter...and on that note...

I'm sick of being overweight. I know EVERYONE says this, but I've spent the majority of my adult life hating the way I look and feel. I make efforts to change this but always fall short of the goals I've set for myself. I need some ideas on something I'll stick to when it comes to working out. In our house, we eat pretty well normally. I just have become almost sedentary and do little to nothing to burn a calorie, unless it's breathing.

Stress

So I've been trying to quit smoking to the discomfort of my family. I think I've yelled more in the last week than I have in ages. I want to stop but it's hard and I feel somewhat stressed more than usual because of Scouts, school and, of course, money. Maybe this wasn't such a great time to set this goal.

I'm also having trouble with the school and my financial aid paperwork. I've faxed them the "required" forms 3 times to have them e-mail me and say they haven't received it. Are they seriously this unorganized that they can't file and process 4 pieces of paper? What's the deal? Not to mention, my grades have taken a nosedive in the last week. I still have a 4.0, but I am barely grasping it now. If it falls anymore I'll scream. The veterans association sucks with the GI bill. I'll not receive a check for another month it seems and I've filed ages ago.

On a good note, I did get some cleaning caught up this weekend, so I don't feel like such a slob. I just know that this next week is going to be killer around the house. I have a few places to go for Thanksgiving as well as the Cub Scout bake sale on Wednesday; I guess I'll be baking all day Tuesday...yay me. I just want things to go smoothly and maybe some of my stress will dissipate.